Patriarchy is a social construct (Reply #128)

In the discussion thread: Just ripped a co-worker. Now I feel terrible. [View all]

Sat Mar 23, 2013, 04:12 PM

128. Patriarchy is a social construct

that is damaging to all humans, regardless of gender.

I am not surprised when men react defensively, since we've little research about how patriarchy delimits men.

I encourage you to read any (all) of the following:

The Mermaid and the Minotaur (Dinnerstein)

Beyond Power (French)

Ending the Silence (Thorne-Finch)

There are many other resources that can help you understand why patriarchal culture = rape culture. I hope that you will commit your passionate feelings about this issue to learning more.

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155 replies	Author	Time	Post
Just ripped a co-worker. Now I feel terrible. [View all]	lapislzi	Mar 2013	OP
I am tired of living in a patriarchy, period.	love_katz	Mar 2013	#1
Broad brush much or what?	Mopar151	Mar 2013	#29
You're offended on behalf of the patriarchy?	redqueen	Mar 2013	#40
Boosterisim, which is what happened here, is more like an absence of partiarchy	Mopar151	Mar 2013	#78
??????????	DonCoquixote	Mar 2013	#126
Paterno may have played at being a patriarch	Mopar151	Mar 2013	#130
Another candidate for dumbest thing ever written here.	Egalitarian Thug	Mar 2013	#47
+1 n/t	eggplant	Mar 2013	#55
Thanks for that.	smirkymonkey	Mar 2013	#145
Patriarchy is a social construct	chervilant	Mar 2013	#128
Me too. It's completely out of balance with our better instincts.	gtar100	Mar 2013	#114
Thank you for the reply.	love_katz	Mar 2013	#132
You shouldn't feel terrible.	EOTE	Mar 2013	#2
Most assuredly you shouldn't feel terrible!	calimary	Mar 2013	#97
Remember that you have limits, and that today she violated them. You are HUMAN.	CaliforniaPeggy	Mar 2013	#3
Devils advocate, to a point,	nadinbrzezinski	Mar 2013	#4
I can understand how it would be really hard to remain calm and level headed when...	love_katz	Mar 2013	#5
Hey... I think you've got something there...	ReRe	Mar 2013	#49
Actually, I believe the reports on Steubenville indicated that Jane Doe vomited.	spooky3	Mar 2013	#87
Oh really? I didn't hear that report.	ReRe	Mar 2013	#90
The motivation for the RAPISTS was to humiliate	RVN VET	Mar 2013	#111
Huh? Hello? You are answering someone else's question?	ReRe	Mar 2013	#135
She sure didn't express herself well. Maybe she thinks that people of all genders didn't	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#6
The adults who permitted, condoned, and encouraged the drinking are criminals.	lapislzi	Mar 2013	#15
Your right. I just don't get where were the parents that owned the homes this was going on?	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#19
"There was enough blame to go around" <-- Yep, that girl should never ever be alone with a guy!!	bettyellen	Mar 2013	#36
Hey Betty, I think I have a right to my opinion just like you have your right to yours.	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#58
"If she had been sober she could have punch the guy and left had he tried something."<--Rape Culture	bettyellen	Mar 2013	#59
Well Betty Guess whatever you say is fine. Rape culture. Ok whatever. One thing	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#62
Stop blaming the victim	MoclipsHumptulips	Mar 2013	#63
Sorry, I stand by my opinion. You stand by yours. I am not blaming her for being raped.	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#65
Disgusting	MoclipsHumptulips	Mar 2013	#67
You kidding? Grow Up. Last time I checked this forum is a DISCUSSION forum. It doesn't	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#83
You got one thing right	Caretha	Mar 2013	#79
Yep, you are "sorry" too. KMA	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#81
She got drunk cause that’s what many do at her age. Just because you didn’t drink, don’t start	busterbrown	Mar 2013	#95
Exactly!	lapislzi	Mar 2013	#100
Well now you see what happens when a person isn't in control because they were drinking.	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#102
You live in your very own bubble which covers you from reality.	busterbrown	Mar 2013	#113
I am living in reality sweetie pie. So you think it is ok for teens to go out and drink and act	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#121
No I don’t think its o.k...... I just know it happens and there is not a thing you can...	busterbrown	Mar 2013	#131
You live in your reality of kids doing things that are illegal and I will live in mine. I am no	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#136
“Kids shouldn’t” God ...in a perfect world maybe.....	busterbrown	Mar 2013	#137
Well I dunno. I am not saying am perfect. Not at all. But I will tell you this much if	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#139
I hope everything remains well with your family...	busterbrown	Mar 2013	#142
Yes, I'm kind of tired too. We all had some say and we can leave it at that. Thanks for	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#144
So rape prevention is blaming the victim?	davidn3600	Mar 2013	#112
Thank YOU!	smirkymonkey	Mar 2013	#147
I am not entirely sure that the girl willingly drank.	lapislzi	Mar 2013	#72
I think they deserve to sit in jail for raping the girl. To me all am trying to say that	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#80
With all due respect, don't be naive.	lapislzi	Mar 2013	#101
On the contrary I think the parents should be in jail for allowing them to have booze at the house.	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#103
Evidently nothing.	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#124
Let me get this straight, a girl goes to a couple of parties with who she thinks are friends...	Humanist_Activist	Mar 2013	#86
She’s gone....Thank God.....	busterbrown	Mar 2013	#96
I have no idea about this whole case what really went down. Neither do you. So say all	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#125
I have no idea about this whole case what really went down.	mercuryblues	Mar 2013	#138
So you think you know everything? I doubt it. No one really knows what happened.	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#140
The	mercuryblues	Mar 2013	#141
I AM NOT BLAMING THE GIRL FOR BEING RAPED. PERIOD, END OF THE FUCKING STORY. I SO	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#143
Really	mercuryblues	Mar 2013	#149
Well lets face the facts if NONE OF THEM had been drinking this wouldn't have happened.	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#150
still ignoring	mercuryblues	Mar 2013	#151
Have a good day mercuryblues. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind. It's	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#152
sure	mercuryblues	Mar 2013	#153
Let it go mercuryblue. I agree if she was slipped something she didn't know it is a	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#154
now	mercuryblues	Mar 2013	#155
Sisterhood	homegirl	Mar 2013	#118
Well I sure see your point and as far as am concerned the girls are just as guilty as the	southernyankeebelle	Mar 2013	#123
I'm sorry you feel terrible...	redqueen	Mar 2013	#7
There's probably nothing wrong with continuing the conversation on a different level.	randome	Mar 2013	#8
remember the old phrase	azureblue	Mar 2013	#70
Apologize for losing it, and take the opportunity to open a dialogue	gateley	Mar 2013	#9
you really shouldn't feel bad, not every case has to be polite"teachable moments"	JI7	Mar 2013	#10
You did just fine. She got defensive, which is not unusual.	MineralMan	Mar 2013	#11
If you want people to understand you, it is helpful to understand them, because they react as	patrice	Mar 2013	#12
I do hear you. I think if we start from a place of common ground we might make some headway.	lapislzi	Mar 2013	#18
Exactly! And one thing that, to me, always breaks what appears to be a dead-heat between two points	patrice	Mar 2013	#31
we haven't broken those cognitive links here at DU, even on this thread there's plenty of blame for	bettyellen	Mar 2013	#37
+ 1,000,000,000,000	love_katz	Mar 2013	#88
The Problem Begins With The Usual Quip "She asked for it"	grilled onions	Mar 2013	#13
+ 1,000,000,000,000	love_katz	Mar 2013	#89
You were right to call her out . . .	markpkessinger	Mar 2013	#14
hopefully she is doing some serious thinking too.	Whisp	Mar 2013	#16
I would like to say one thing in response to her remarks...	ljm2002	Mar 2013	#17
^^^^THIS^^^^^	BillyJack	Mar 2013	#75
Don't feel bad--she deserved it	Arkana	Mar 2013	#20
Update: VINDICATION!	lapislzi	Mar 2013	#21
Yay for vindication!	CaliforniaPeggy	Mar 2013	#22
Thanks for letting us know.	SunSeeker	Mar 2013	#25
sometimes it take tough love to sink through the bs	noiretextatique	Mar 2013	#27
Sometimes you have to snap at people.	Blanks	Mar 2013	#30
could it be because it's something that happened to you and she knows you	JI7	Mar 2013	#33
One mind at a time is good.	sheshe2	Mar 2013	#34
Great..such a relief. .. I feel so sorry the girl...just wanted to check was she	nenagh	Mar 2013	#41
Sounds like a young lady who knows which side her bread is buttered on	alcibiades_mystery	Mar 2013	#43
Well that's OK.	lapislzi	Mar 2013	#73
"She is not especially well-liked, is known for being a whiner and not a team player"	alcibiades_mystery	Mar 2013	#84
Hey, I have done my part with this woman	lapislzi	Mar 2013	#106
It sounds to me as if you actively dislike this person	alcibiades_mystery	Mar 2013	#115
As you wish.	lapislzi	Mar 2013	#133
You must be an absolute saint! Your response was perfect.	Cassidy	Mar 2013	#120
Are honesty and compassion mutually exclusive?	Cassidy	Mar 2013	#122
I have to say that I think you're right.	delrem	Mar 2013	#77
Can you explain further, and I will do my best to clarify.	lapislzi	Mar 2013	#107
Aw, that's so good to hear.	redqueen	Mar 2013	#44
A great thread of optimism to start the weekend! Thanks!	randome	Mar 2013	#45
Friendly advice: Take a page from Confucius, watch your back	LittleBlue	Mar 2013	#52
Her googling to get a new job would actually be a good thing for her.	lapislzi	Mar 2013	#74
Excellent...	ljm2002	Mar 2013	#93
I posted my reply at the bottom before I read this. Congrats to you and your coworker!	McCamy Taylor	Mar 2013	#99
Accept the apology, but watch your back. nt.	OldDem2012	Mar 2013	#110
My parents had an elderly neighbor that was raped	Blue Gardener	Mar 2013	#23
I was raped when I was 8 years old	Vanje	Mar 2013	#129
I heard a story some years ago	SheilaT	Mar 2013	#24
omg. I love that story true or not. It's the principle of the thought.	Little Star	Mar 2013	#39
Tired of hearing about rape culture? Guess what. I'm tired of living in it. So very tired.	seabeyond	Mar 2013	#26
Actually...	RudynJack	Mar 2013	#28
+1 I thought we had done away with the Scarlet Lettering of people long ago.	Live and Learn	Mar 2013	#94
I was telling a conservative relative about rape in the military.	Rozlee	Mar 2013	#32
I served on a jury a couple of summers ago	Control-Z	Mar 2013	#35
If she looks up to you...	awoke_in_2003	Mar 2013	#38
Don't feel bad	Smilo	Mar 2013	#42
Glad to hear it all worked out in the end.	Rex	Mar 2013	#46
This is why places like DU are vital. Keep on fighting the good fight.	SleeplessinSoCal	Mar 2013	#48
OK, I'm a "child of the sixties," which doesn't mean things were wild and promiscuous in most of the	maddiemom	Mar 2013	#50
Forget about it...	ReRe	Mar 2013	#51
I simply would have answered	rocktivity	Mar 2013	#53
There are all kinds of ways you could have talked to her about this. Sadly, you would probably have	Iris	Mar 2013	#54
Any appology for these criminals	defacto7	Mar 2013	#56
You're human, you get to react.	Warpy	Mar 2013	#57
What the hell is wrong with people?	Spitfire of ATJ	Mar 2013	#60
It is understandable to see you upset.	PM Martin	Mar 2013	#61
Internalized misogyny.	redqueen	Mar 2013	#71
Not enough people are verbally dope-slapped. Good on you for doing it. nt	valerief	Mar 2013	#64
Hmmm...I'm normally against heated political debates at work,	ZombieHorde	Mar 2013	#66
She expressed "dismay that rapists would be classified as sex offenders."	tclambert	Mar 2013	#68
Rape culture shaming is okay.	bluedigger	Mar 2013	#69
I'm so sorry for	Cha	Mar 2013	#76
Survivors need to quit the fuck apologizing for denouncing rape-in any form.	MichiganVote	Mar 2013	#82
People who have never been raped	TxDemChem	Mar 2013	#85
Don't feel bad I do it all the time.	Pakid	Mar 2013	#91
I appreciate you feel you might have handled it differently BUT.....	Swede Atlanta	Mar 2013	#92
You feel terrible, because you were raped. And because society says "Get over it"	McCamy Taylor	Mar 2013	#98
I would not feel terrible in the least ... sometimes what you did is what it takes, and in	RKP5637	Mar 2013	#104
No need to apologize for an honest reaction	marions ghost	Mar 2013	#105
?	grschaef	Mar 2013	#108
The victims clothing is as meaningful to the conversation as their eye color	RedstDem	Mar 2013	#109
They have the same reaction to any civil rights and discrimination - victim's fault always	lunasun	Mar 2013	#116
When I was much younger I said something like your co-worker did and	lunatica	Mar 2013	#117
You are so right, and thank you for sharing.	lapislzi	Mar 2013	#134
This message was self-deleted by its author	santamargarita	Mar 2013	#119
You have nothing to feel bad about.	nicky187	Mar 2013	#127
always be carefull about workplace relationships	markiv	Mar 2013	#146
K&R, Good for you!	smirkymonkey	Mar 2013	#148

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