Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search
 

leftyohiolib

(5,917 posts)
106. here you go blaming the victim
Fri Jun 7, 2013, 08:12 AM
Jun 2013

Last edited Fri Jun 7, 2013, 11:26 AM - Edit history (1)

you're right it wasnt her job to control it but she WANTED to use the pill and DIDNT want me to use condoms. the kind of decisions that couples make together, this wasnt a one-nighter. - ididnt know at the time that it was at any cost that was hindsight. we talked about getting married after i got out of school.

i didnt "burden" her with OUR reproduction. she wanted to use the pill cause she didnt want me to use condoms and since we were on the same page of starting a family after college(at least she said was since we couldnt afford both) there was no reason to suspect her of doing this so no reason to use a condom which she didnt want anyway. her decision her body her choice.


i did it to myself only in the same sense that a woman gets pregnant cause a man (she loves and trusts) pokes a hole in a condom. which some here are comparing to rape. it's interesting that when a man pokes a hole in a condom and gets a woman pregnant he's a rapist but when a woman stop taking the pill and gets pregnant it's the man's fault for "burdening" her with MY reproduction or for not wearing a condom (even though his partner did want him to wear one) any excuse to make it the man's fault.

the double standard over this is disgraceful

Get rid of the partners leftynyc Jun 2013 #1
that is too creepy! Whisp Jun 2013 #3
A baby isn't always the desired outcome for either REP Jun 2013 #25
True but let's make sure we have in place funded groups that can help them MattBaggins Jun 2013 #4
Absolutely leftynyc Jun 2013 #6
It may be possible to charge them legally MattBaggins Jun 2013 #9
So many states run by the pubs leftynyc Jun 2013 #16
even though this article was about the situation in india, we know that it happens here, as well niyad Jun 2013 #91
+1,000,000 nt clarice Jun 2013 #54
That's revolting. sibelian Jun 2013 #2
i had a woman do this to me she "forgot" to take b.c. pill for 2 months leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #5
Happened to a friend of mine leftynyc Jun 2013 #8
we made plans to marry - j.o.p. marriage. i was going to college at the time and was going to put leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #44
Sounds like you almost married leftynyc Jun 2013 #47
thanks i cried for days over that baby (s)he'd be about 25 now - the baby was just past the 1st leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #50
She had a miscarriage, you mean? REP Jun 2013 #61
yea one day she went to the bathroom came back and told me she thought the baby died i asked leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #63
Okay. I'm calling bullshit. REP Jun 2013 #72
it wa 25 years ago and maybe im wrong about the length but it was a fucking shock to both of us leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #74
I'm not the one changing my story around REP Jun 2013 #75
i didnt know she stopped taking them i did know she was using them but she didnt tell me she stopped leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #80
I can see how that's exactly the same... cynatnite Jun 2013 #10
- i never claimed they were the same leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #29
It's a form of rape, IMO... cynatnite Jun 2013 #32
she went off the pill without telling me and I invaded HER body?? leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #37
Oh, we were talking about you... cynatnite Jun 2013 #46
no WE werent i made a post and stuck your nose in it leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #48
This is a public forum...get used to people doing that. n/t cynatnite Jun 2013 #49
you should do the same leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #52
Um...I was making fun of you. n/t cynatnite Jun 2013 #53
did you marry her? the difference is, you could walk away at any time. not quite the same niyad Jun 2013 #11
Walk away and you're still on the hook. nt Bonobo Jun 2013 #15
rigggght. and how many men are actually paying child support? in how many cases is it even niyad Jun 2013 #17
child support is the law arely staircase Jun 2013 #19
Still on the hook. Bonobo Jun 2013 #20
how mary that are acutally payiong is not the point but nice try leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #36
Are you for real? In Oregon, where I live, there are extensive penalties for nonpayment. nt Poll_Blind Jun 2013 #59
Right, because every single man ducks out on child support ProudToBeBlueInRhody Jun 2013 #82
no i didnt she met someone with whom she shared a bitrhday and left me for him leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #31
no i couldnt walk away anytime - how dare you assume, without knowing me, that i would walk away leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #45
I did not assume you would, I only said you could. a slight difference there. niyad Jun 2013 #92
Did you forget to put on a condom? Marrah_G Jun 2013 #22
You must be joking. Mariana Jun 2013 #28
Exactly. redqueen Jun 2013 #39
she didnt want me using them she didnt like them leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #33
~facepalm~ Marrah_G Jun 2013 #34
well if she tells me not to wear them i wont - i didnt care that she got pregnant i was more than leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #40
This has been going on for along time ThomThom Jun 2013 #70
I would have gotten the fuck out of there ProudToBeBlueInRhody Jun 2013 #84
we were dating for about about 1.5 years (have sex all that time ) and she WAS on the pill bcause leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #86
You did it to yourself TorchTheWitch Jun 2013 #98
here you go blaming the victim leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #106
When women do it, it is called "choosing to start a family" and Bonobo Jun 2013 #7
men have a choice, too, and you know it. they can walk, any time, as so many do. niyad Jun 2013 #12
"Ooops I forgot my pill" Bonobo Jun 2013 #14
please, men do it all the time and you know it. but keep up the "poor, victimized men" meme. niyad Jun 2013 #18
He can walk away from the relationship after the first "I forgot" REP Jun 2013 #21
Who would do such a thing? Bonobo Jun 2013 #24
It can be an accident. REP Jun 2013 #26
she didnt forget 1 or 2 days she stopped taking them without telling me leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #41
Men can be responsible for birth control if they are worried about becoming fathers REP Jun 2013 #62
yes just as women and i was fine with becoming a father. she didnt like condoms and didnt want leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #65
But you just said you were fine with becoming a father ... so I don't see how you were tricked REP Jun 2013 #71
well i didnt say i was tricked (although i was ) and when she told me i was ok with being a father leftyohiolib Jun 2013 #77
I can certainly understand the visceral and petulant desire to blame everyone other than oneself... LanternWaste Jun 2013 #64
One can also think they are engaging in an honest relationship ProudToBeBlueInRhody Jun 2013 #83
If a man knows he doesn't want to start a family... MadrasT Jun 2013 #81
of course, if a man is serious about never having children, there are vasectomies. condoms are niyad Jun 2013 #93
This should be an assault charge. Starry Messenger Jun 2013 #13
I used to know an ass who did this to his wife TWICE. Xithras Jun 2013 #23
I have been married 25 plus years exboyfil Jun 2013 #104
I knew a woman whose husband forcibly impregnated her to keep her dependent. Shrike47 Jun 2013 #27
delicious popcorn thread !! nt galileoreloaded Jun 2013 #30
This is a serious issue. More and more states are reducing access to abortion. redqueen Jun 2013 #38
serious issue? where, exactly? galileoreloaded Jun 2013 #42
Keep digging. redqueen Jun 2013 #43
hahahahahahaha what a stellar organization of rich one percenters!!! (technically i am one too so i galileoreloaded Jun 2013 #57
Pick up a newspaper BainsBane Jun 2013 #94
so because this was a report about india, we are not supposed to care? seriously, indian women niyad Jun 2013 #96
keep quiet BainsBane Jun 2013 #97
I know, how silly of me not to bow to his demonstrated superior wisdom. niyad Jun 2013 #99
We certainly advertise our character in what we choose to trivialize. LanternWaste Jun 2013 #66
Totally agree galileoreloaded Jun 2013 #68
It's a form of rape... cynatnite Jun 2013 #35
A female acquaintence of mine recently headed off to a different state to do this to a man. Poll_Blind Jun 2013 #51
Jill sounds kind of crazy. NaturalHigh Jun 2013 #88
Crimes involve motive and opportunity. lumberjack_jeff Jun 2013 #55
Okay, so you don't think women aren't forced to be pregnant against their will... cynatnite Jun 2013 #58
Too many negatives, can't parse. lumberjack_jeff Jun 2013 #67
this isnt research...... galileoreloaded Jun 2013 #85
you forgot VASECTOMY. niyad Jun 2013 #100
I didn't forget vasectomy nor did I forget tubal ligation. lumberjack_jeff Jun 2013 #101
no, it isn't. but you just keep trying. niyad Jun 2013 #102
Perhaps you have a point. Maybe the women in the OP should have tubal ligation to prevent coercion. lumberjack_jeff Jun 2013 #103
I wonder if anyone is surprised by the posts about "crazy" or "trashy" women as responses to this OP redqueen Jun 2013 #56
Somehow it always gets back around to the poor poor men, doesn't it? Sheldon Cooper Jun 2013 #60
Yes, somehow. nt redqueen Jun 2013 #69
And all that abuse they take from the women who want to ensnare them. Squinch Jun 2013 #79
and it took about 30 seconds longer than I figured it would. niyad Jun 2013 #89
and the absolute lack of concern for the women's forced pregnancy is appalling. it's all about niyad Jun 2013 #95
Those men should be forcibly sterilized. aquart Jun 2013 #73
I would walk out on him! In_The_Wind Jun 2013 #76
I have had men admit this twice at work. Butterbean Jun 2013 #78
Seriously? Why? NaturalHigh Jun 2013 #87
it is all about control--keeping the woman dependent, making sure she can't leave, a whole niyad Jun 2013 #90
The media has to call this what it is: RAPE. alp227 Jun 2013 #105
Latest Discussions»General Discussion»Men forcing women to beco...»Reply #106