General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: National Tell a Girl She’s Beautiful Day is pure bullshit, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. [View all]noamnety
(20,234 posts)Earlier this year, I had an experience like that in Aldi's. I was buying avocados, some other customer dude made a random goodnatured comment about my obvious dilemma in deciding how many to buy. Innocent pleasantries and I responded in kind, we had a little back and forth.
Within 60 seconds things turned, he had grabbed my arm, I tried to move away, he didn't let go - he pulled my ear closer to his mouth and was talking about how men should be in the bedroom with women.
For a few weeks I had trouble sleeping because I was replaying different scenarios in my mind, how I should have reacted, maybe I should have not responded to him at the get-go even though he seemed totally nonthreatening at the start. Maybe I should have made a scene, maybe I should have yelled "LET GO OF ME" to get other people's attention and assistance. Maybe I should have yelled for a manager, and suggested they ban him from the store. Maybe I should have yelled that if he didn't let go right then I was going to punch him in the balls.
I still did the regular weekly shopping after that, but for months I had to brace myself for that first step into the store. It freaked me out, and it's unrealistic to think women can go through that sort of thing as often as we and our friends do, and not have a stress reaction when similar situations begin. It's ridiculous for men here to assert that we're lying, we like all interactions that begin with small compliments, and if we claim we don't it's because we are ugly.
We know that there's an inherent social contract that we haven't signed up for. "I said something nice and unsolicited to you, now you OWE me a response back that will make me feel good, and we will continue the conversation from there at which point I may or may not get more aggressive and threatening, but if you don't give me that in return, I may or may not make a scene calling you a stuck up bitch or worse, but either way, you will know I'm thinking it."