Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

Oakenshield

(614 posts)
177. An inspiring story.
Fri Jul 26, 2013, 12:47 AM
Jul 2013

To take all of that thoughtless cruelty and remain polite, that makes you and your husband very much the better family.

your a lot nicer than i would have been rdking647 Jul 2013 #1
Ah, but that just causes more pain for the only one I cared about.... DonRedwood Jul 2013 #4
he should have also told his family off rdking647 Jul 2013 #6
we went the "kill them with kindness" route instead DonRedwood Jul 2013 #19
Which appears to not have worked at all. dbackjon Jul 2013 #89
you don't know that. barbtries Jul 2013 #154
Yes it did. He showed dignity and grace while they showed ignorance and insensitivity. Squinch Jul 2013 #185
I am on your side on this one! :0) DonRedwood Jul 2013 #196
I don't know. Some of them seemed ashamed by it all. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #197
You're a beautiful person. Sarah Ibarruri Jul 2013 #204
That's exactly it, I think. Planting seeds. SO OFTEN I find that I long for a legitimately quick fix calimary Jul 2013 #221
I'm a fan of this approach. Voice for Peace Jul 2013 #124
How would that bring family closer together? Fearless Jul 2013 #71
Toxic families chervilant Jul 2013 #76
It was a first step for them... inviting me in the first place. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #90
Consider this - avebury Jul 2013 #135
Even if they don't change much, chervilant Jul 2013 #142
I think you are very, very wise. And patient. renate Jul 2013 #180
Sometimes it's important Fearless Jul 2013 #91
always important DonRedwood Jul 2013 #93
It gets easier Fearless Jul 2013 #95
No. A better way would have simply been to for Don and husband to simply 1monster Jul 2013 #132
Me too! Sarah Ibarruri Jul 2013 #203
I'm so sorry. TDale313 Jul 2013 #2
I believe we are stronger for it. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #24
imo you can photoshop a nice pic of yourself onto the family shot elehhhhna Jul 2013 #3
I love you. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #5
xox elehhhhna Jul 2013 #7
It is something I am quite good at myself. I'm the west coast off-spring of DonRedwood Jul 2013 #13
This message was self-deleted by its author prole_for_peace Jul 2013 #111
LOL! Is that what it is? pnwmom Jul 2013 #39
I'd rather be told the truth DonRedwood Jul 2013 #44
Sometimes I'll read that urban people in the Northwest or the Northeast pnwmom Jul 2013 #60
I think it is hard to make friends as an adult no matter where and no matter what DonRedwood Jul 2013 #66
I think with your general positive attitude and patience with people pnwmom Jul 2013 #68
My job is to get extremely angry people to calm down.... I do that every day DonRedwood Jul 2013 #96
Bless her heart, she could have married so much better, being so pretty, and all. tavalon Jul 2013 #78
LOL... I like this one: DonRedwood Jul 2013 #99
Sadly, this well worn craft comes out of female subjecation in the south tavalon Jul 2013 #117
I once had a Southern Belle from S. Carolina say to me: DonRedwood Jul 2013 #122
And never break a sweat, sadly. tavalon Jul 2013 #209
Yikes! n/t pnwmom Jul 2013 #127
Yup you can say anything you want about anyone prole_for_peace Jul 2013 #112
Better yet take your own Ravens.Ransom Jul 2013 #64
Hello Ravens! Welcome to DU, we are glad to have you here! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #100
Thanks for the welcome! Ravens.Ransom Jul 2013 #153
OMG LOL KentuckyWoman Jul 2013 #34
Welcome to DU Kentucky! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #41
Oh, that is a DELICIOUS idea!! emmadoggy Jul 2013 #162
But RavensRansom's idea is good too: for his Christmas card, send to his husband's family Squinch Jul 2013 #186
I missed that - I didn't get emmadoggy Jul 2013 #210
My family is lucky... awoke_in_2003 Jul 2013 #8
Maybe I'll be in the next one :0) DonRedwood Jul 2013 #16
Will do... awoke_in_2003 Jul 2013 #18
And that is why we are out and proud... DonRedwood Jul 2013 #25
You are a brave, courageous, and loving person csziggy Jul 2013 #9
The love makes you strong, that's all. If it was just me or my own family? DonRedwood Jul 2013 #26
Yet if you'd pointedly asked them about any of this stuff, Warpy Jul 2013 #10
that would rile them up! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #38
Oh, a little poshumous revenge can be sweet, indeed Warpy Jul 2013 #51
Yes, they always pretend they don't know what you're upset about. LuvNewcastle Jul 2013 #82
I'm sorry you and your husband were hurt... nessa Jul 2013 #11
Welcome to DU! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #45
I've been there. MinneapolisMatt Jul 2013 #12
Thanks Matt. I know the story is not new. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #14
You are an excellent writer. Number23 Jul 2013 #15
Very kind, thank you DonRedwood Jul 2013 #17
Sorry you two had to go through that. Arctic Dave Jul 2013 #20
I know! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #46
I agree... Unca Jim Jul 2013 #156
"confused about who is who"... awoke_in_2003 Jul 2013 #215
. libodem Jul 2013 #21
I really appreciate this post. I am sorry they were shitty to you and your husband arely staircase Jul 2013 #22
Thanks arely DonRedwood Jul 2013 #50
demonstrating love in the face of ignorance is good. No one can say you were 'one of them' roguevalley Jul 2013 #23
We feel like we did just that. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #57
How very cruel and thoughtless emsimon33 Jul 2013 #27
I'm not gay. My wife is not American. She is a Chinese national. We are heading home soon Nanjing to Seoul Jul 2013 #28
Take a deep breath DonRedwood Jul 2013 #35
"We fly out of this hell hole in 12 hours" was my mantra. "Stop hurting my husband" lunasun Jul 2013 #29
Oh no, I bought thank you cards today DonRedwood Jul 2013 #33
And fantastically well I might add! Fearless Jul 2013 #72
I agree that the way you handled this was super good! juajen Jul 2013 #87
Thank you. I felt it for the best as well though it hurt. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #101
K&R Jamastiene Jul 2013 #30
. KentuckyWoman Jul 2013 #31
I'm in an interracial marriage and my father refused to accept my husband for the first two years... Moonwalk Jul 2013 #32
I am glad to hear that things got better for you DonRedwood Jul 2013 #47
Sorry to post on this thread again... Unca Jim Jul 2013 #157
My mother in law didn't care for me, either... awoke_in_2003 Jul 2013 #216
Same thing for us. Rozlee Jul 2013 #205
My wife, bless her heart, comes from a family that, from the beginning, WCGreen Jul 2013 #36
Assholes are better than two faces in many aspects DonRedwood Jul 2013 #52
Thanks, DonRedwood. Have you ever thought about writing for other venues? pnwmom Jul 2013 #37
I've wondered if I should look for some sort of outlet for this type of essay style writing DonRedwood Jul 2013 #48
The family you discribe is my family dusty trails Jul 2013 #40
Hey dusty, a big welcome to DU! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #49
I am an atheist... awoke_in_2003 Jul 2013 #217
You're a class act, Don! Firebrand Gary Jul 2013 #42
Shhhhhhh...you'll ruin my reputation! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #67
Your a better man than me, I would not have done that. William769 Jul 2013 #43
You've met them all, you say? You have their addresses? MADem Jul 2013 #53
YOU, MADem, ARE TRULY EVIL DonRedwood Jul 2013 #54
The sweaters would rock the pic! BIG SMILES, too! MADem Jul 2013 #55
and we can hyphenate our names! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #56
You really should! MADem Jul 2013 #59
Ah, yes, we must have preprinted name labels. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #61
Great minds...! MADem Jul 2013 #62
The "He-Man Slime Pit" was also a fine gift. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #63
And you call me EVIL? I bow at the feet of the master!!!! MADem Jul 2013 #65
That was a good Christmas DonRedwood Jul 2013 #69
You two are cracking me up... 2theleft Jul 2013 #173
You torture by toys too?? DonRedwood Jul 2013 #198
I envy your stoicism LittleBlue Jul 2013 #58
Thank you for the kind words DonRedwood Jul 2013 #70
I heard a good saying the other day... awoke_in_2003 Jul 2013 #220
Sorry GlashFordan Jul 2013 #73
I got along great with the kids. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #102
You are absolutely correct in your approach Fearless Jul 2013 #74
Well said. -nt Bonx Jul 2013 #121
I'm so sorry, awful to be excluded from a family Raine Jul 2013 #75
this is so beautifully expressed, Don. I'd say I'm sorry, but you don't need that cali Jul 2013 #77
Thanks Cali DonRedwood Jul 2013 #105
I would be proud to have both of you in my family. idwiyo Jul 2013 #79
We can be DU family. GOd knows I turn to DU when I'm upset by society...that's gotta count for some DonRedwood Jul 2013 #123
To me 'family' has nothing to do with people I just happened to share some DNA with. idwiyo Jul 2013 #149
No matter what they do, Don HillWilliam Jul 2013 #80
Ah, Hill, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #106
my condolences to you HillWilliam shireen Jul 2013 #114
And a hug for Shireen for showing us DU's got a big heart. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #126
I'm sorry for your loss Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #141
Thank you both very much HillWilliam Jul 2013 #146
Fuck them all. 6000eliot Jul 2013 #81
That's the thing though! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #107
You did the right thing. There may be no hope for those of your generation and older, rhett o rick Jul 2013 #152
The kids are getting there on their own. 6000eliot Jul 2013 #175
Reading stories like this makes me appreciate my family of misfits lumberjack_jeff Jul 2013 #83
Yes, I wish someone had done that for my partner. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #108
Is not right! mecherosegarden Jul 2013 #84
Wow, you're stronger than I could be LittleGirl Jul 2013 #85
This hurts my heart Tree-Hugger Jul 2013 #86
Hugs to you tree hugger DonRedwood Jul 2013 #110
I got angry reading that dbackjon Jul 2013 #88
there isn't anything worth gaining from those people to swallow that much shit datasuspect Jul 2013 #98
please read post #116 below :0) DonRedwood Jul 2013 #118
I am so sorry that you two are facing this! People are so damn stupid! hedgehog Jul 2013 #92
Whenever we're with my husband's family, we keep thinking "how much longer in this hellhole?" mountain grammy Jul 2013 #94
i had crazy psychotic drunk workingmen who fought in WW2 and vietnam datasuspect Jul 2013 #97
I have a feeling you are the person I'd want to talk to at the party DonRedwood Jul 2013 #136
You must have felt horrid. Boudica the Lyoness Jul 2013 #103
I'm very sorry to hear of your experience. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #113
ouch. renate Jul 2013 #181
Poignant, well-written. I'm glad I read it and I thank you. nt Bernardo de La Paz Jul 2013 #104
Nauseating. Infuriating. I cannot believe how gracefully you handled that. Butterbean Jul 2013 #109
Butterbean, no! Please don't get so mad, I would not want to be the cause of such anger DonRedwood Jul 2013 #116
Sigh. It's hard not to, and you and your dh are very strong people. Butterbean Jul 2013 #139
Abusive boyfriend? Fifth marriage? bobclark86 Jul 2013 #115
K&R!! cliffordu Jul 2013 #119
my hat's off to you... Momgonepostal Jul 2013 #120
I honestly don't know. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #134
Don, I think you and your partner did the right thing... kjackson227 Jul 2013 #125
Your OP brought tears to my eyes. Solidly hetero man here, but one who HardTimes99 Jul 2013 #128
You softee straight guys are my heroes. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #130
Well played, beautifully written. mia Jul 2013 #129
Don! That was a horrible experience! BUT, Auntie Bush Jul 2013 #131
At one point he decided to talk to his mother and I stopped him DonRedwood Jul 2013 #144
You found some typical red state monsters...they don't deserve a relationship with you Auntie Bush Jul 2013 #148
Some good suggestions on the thread treestar Jul 2013 #133
My partner and I did the same a few years ago FreeState Jul 2013 #137
:0) Now that was a story I needed to read! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #145
Families that dissapprove do that on purpose Aerows Jul 2013 #138
Great sentiment in a very well written story. grantcart Jul 2013 #140
I assume they are Christians, because you indicate closeupready Jul 2013 #143
You are a saint. And so is your husband. That family doesn't matthews Jul 2013 #147
I'm sorry it was so painful, a tiny little story from me today bluemarkers Jul 2013 #150
i love that! nice that he was being out. DonRedwood Jul 2013 #166
Don,you are fortunate indeed to have a love in your life Rain Mcloud Jul 2013 #151
you are most definitely a lot nicer, and far more patient, than I would have been. kudos to you niyad Jul 2013 #155
that is our new favorite saying! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #167
Your patience and tolerance are amazing. Tiredofthesame Jul 2013 #158
welcome to DU! renate Jul 2013 #182
I don't know how you did it I admire your ability to keep it together Arcanetrance Jul 2013 #159
Bravo! everyone needs a hero! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #168
"I've shown you the truth and now you must evaluate your lies." Beartracks Jul 2013 #160
Amazing OP, amazing thread Fumesucker Jul 2013 #161
cheers fumesucker DonRedwood Jul 2013 #169
I am so sorry. emmadoggy Jul 2013 #163
I love your attitude, Don. pacalo Jul 2013 #164
I've wept over some of the kind words from you all in response... DonRedwood Jul 2013 #170
A magic marker savebigbird Jul 2013 #165
First, thank you for sharing this. marym625 Jul 2013 #171
I mean no disrespect marym625 Jul 2013 #178
Welcome to DU, and don't worry! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #188
Congrats on making it through mythology Jul 2013 #172
Don, I love your posts... 2theleft Jul 2013 #174
Sweet Talker! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #189
That's awful, but you know what? Marr Jul 2013 #176
An inspiring story. Oakenshield Jul 2013 #177
v blkmusclmachine Jul 2013 #179
the family tree thing reminded me of Harry Potter and the family tree of Sirius Black dembotoz Jul 2013 #183
You did good. The 'family' is probably not aware of how their actions hurt sinkingfeeling Jul 2013 #184
stab in the back? RicROC Jul 2013 #187
Hello and welcome to DU! DonRedwood Jul 2013 #191
Wonderful. WilliamPitt Jul 2013 #190
I love this post rosesaylavee Jul 2013 #192
I wish you both were in my family. I'd show 'em how you are supposed to be treated... cynatnite Jul 2013 #193
Wow. HappyMe Jul 2013 #194
You are a good man... RetroLounge Jul 2013 #195
I am sorry you had to write this... Orsino Jul 2013 #199
OMG I do not even know you and I love you. oldandhappy Jul 2013 #200
I love you both. SalmonChantedEvening Jul 2013 #201
Much love to you and your husband. A beautiful response to a hurtful time....... PDJane Jul 2013 #202
.. ismnotwasm Jul 2013 #206
Best wishes to you and your spouse... Moostache Jul 2013 #207
Your story broke my heart AC_Mem Jul 2013 #208
you made me tear up. You and your husband are stronger than my husband and I are. We don't put up liberal_at_heart Jul 2013 #211
k&r Liberal_in_LA Jul 2013 #212
Was Aunt Sally at the reunion? Conium Jul 2013 #213
Wow. Ouch. Ouch. toby jo Jul 2013 #214
Message auto-removed Name removed Jul 2013 #218
Welcome to DU! Cooley Hurd Jul 2013 #219
wow. just wow blondie58 Jul 2013 #222
woa. just wow blondie58 Jul 2013 #223
Latest Discussions»General Discussion»It Was Like One Slap In M...»Reply #177