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In reply to the discussion: I used to be fat [View all]

Silent3

(14,962 posts)
69. I've lost 85 lbs. I mostly agree with you, with just a little qualification.
Sat Jan 11, 2014, 01:29 AM
Jan 2014

Certainly the fat jokes about Christie should go. It's his bullying approach to politics, and his Republican politics, that deserve the focus of our criticism. We all should be more sympathetic to how difficult weight issues can be.

On the other hand, I do think, if not taken to excess, a little bit of social pressure helps, as long as it's motivating, not too cruel or harshly shaming. I have never blamed others if they didn't find me physically attractive when I was fat. I don't find fat very attractive myself, and I'm not going to hold a hypocritical double standard. Chemistry is chemistry. People can't just will themselves into physical attraction for the sake of political correctness.

For my own case -- although I certainly don't hold everyone else to this standard -- my weight really is a matter of personal discipline and effort. My highest measured weight (it may have gone higher during some long, unmeasured spans of time) was 263 lbs, back in April 2012. For my height of 6', that's about 35.7 BMI -- so not as severe as you got, but still quite bad enough. I'm now 178 (BMI 24.1), and even though that's near the upper end of the "normal" BMI range, most people think I look not just normal, but skinny now.

I lost weight once before in the 90s, coming down from a then-top weight of maybe 245 (I never weighed myself until after I noticed I was losing weight), and I kept myself fit and trim for 7-8 years. Then I slowly let my fitness slide when life circumstances made it more difficult to stick with my diet and exercise routine.

For a while I just didn't care. I didn't feel like the first 10-20 pounds I regained was such a big deal. And when that didn't seem like a big deal, the next ten on top of that didn't seem like a big deal either. Eventually my excess weight started to bother me a little, but still not quite enough to get me exercising and eating better again. I had never been a "rah, rah, feel the burn!" exercise enthusiast. Exercise was never better than a dreary chore to be done as far as I was concerned, which made it tough to stick to it for as many years as I had once before, and even tougher to return to it. Fitness was a fond memory, but the process of staying fit was anything but.

And oddly enough, for as much as people often recommend exercise to battle depression, I suffered the worst episodes of depression in my life while I was fittest I'd ever been. This made me fear that I might be prone to exercised-induced depression (turns out there is such a thing), and, whether it was merely another rationalization for hating exercise or not, that factor only added to my reluctance to get back to exercise and better eating.

It took a series of little shocks, spread out over a few years, to make me resolve to lose weight again. One of the first shocks I remember was when I was given, as a Christmas present, a visit to an indoor skydiving session. It turns out that there was a top allowed weight of 250 lbs. On the skydiving center's scale, in my winter street clothes, I came out to 253. They let the few extra pounds slide. When I was in the skydiving chamber, even though I'd previously watched others flying all around through the air while I waited, I barely managed floating 2-3 feet above the floor.

Then there were growing twinges of knee pain. Finding myself pushing off on the arm of the sofa to get up. Having to give into buying jeans with a 40" waist (I'm now wearing 30"!), and then having those 40-inchers starting to get tight. Suddenly having to chase after an escaping cat, but feeling I was mired in molasses up to my thighs the moment I tried to run.

The final straw came when my wife bought a new bathroom scale. I stepped on it and saw 270! It turns out that the scale had to be calibrated first, but even when that was done, and I stepped on the scale buck naked, I was still getting 263, which was bad enough. I think seeing that first uncalibrated, clothes-on weight of 270 was a good thing for me, however, because I not sure a "mere" 263 would have been, of and by itself, quite as much shock as I needed.

The next day I began regular exercise, and greatly improved my diet. I've been at it ever since. I lost 50 lbs in six months -- just in time to meet my first goal of losing 50 before turning 50. I've been under 200 for a full year now. I've been at my current weight of 178 about six months.

Having lost a lot of weight now twice in my life, and that first time having kept it off for many years, and showing all the signs that I'll again keep it off for many years to come, I can't, for my own case, ever accept any excuses about my weight being some weird biological or medical thing beyond my control. For me, discipline matters. Not being lazy matters. If I regain the weight I've lost, I will consider that a personal failing, and I think rightly so.

This time around I dumped the low-fat diet I used during the 90s. I didn't suffer too much from hunger while losing weight this second go round, and I hardly ever feel myself going hungry now that I'm eating to maintain my current weight. I still don't love exercise in general, but I've found stuff to do that I at least find more tolerable, and a few activities (that I unfortunately can't do often enough to be my main source of exercise) I actually do enjoy. The bad depression I'd experienced in the 90s did not recur.

One reason I'm not as tough on others as I can be on myself, however, is that I know I've got advantages working for me that others won't have (a gym at work, a very short commute that frees up time, getting an appetite suppressing effect from exercise), and I also know, having done it myself once before, how easy it is to fall off the wagon.

I used to be fat [View all] MissMillie Jan 2014 OP
Thank you for this post. QC Jan 2014 #1
This message was self-deleted by its author phasma ex machina Jan 2014 #60
A good reminder... Mike Nelson Jan 2014 #2
We should never be defined by what we weigh. PassingFair Jan 2014 #3
great post. mahina Jan 2014 #4
surgery MissMillie Jan 2014 #5
Thank you for mentioning the potential side effects of gastric bypass Gormy Cuss Jan 2014 #11
an ethical bariatric surgery program MissMillie Jan 2014 #13
They will not operate on anyone over 63 classykaren Jan 2014 #77
That's not true. I have an acquaintance who was 66 at the time of her surgery and she did very well auntAgonist Jan 2014 #86
Just curious....cause I know next to nothing about gastric bypass surgery beaglelover Jan 2014 #107
Thank you. Catherine Vincent Jan 2014 #6
Thank you for posting BlueState Jan 2014 #7
Absolutely true... regnaD kciN Jan 2014 #72
Also true. BlueMTexpat Jan 2014 #79
they got mocked for their appearance, though. BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2014 #96
Thank you! redqueen Jan 2014 #8
Most people outgrow jokes based upon physical features Live and Learn Jan 2014 #9
This is excellent! Le Taz Hot Jan 2014 #10
Your MIND is the essence of who you are HockeyMom Jan 2014 #12
knr Douglas Carpenter Jan 2014 #14
thank you Marrah_G Jan 2014 #15
Miss Millie Dorian Gray Jan 2014 #16
Thank you so much for your eloquent "vent" chervilant Jan 2014 #17
Your last sentence is the best one on here. Thank You classykaren Jan 2014 #78
+1 catrose Jan 2014 #90
Oh boy, my dear MissMillie... CaliforniaPeggy Jan 2014 #18
First off, BRAVO for your weight loss! AAO Jan 2014 #19
I absolutely empathize with you...I was a fat kid angstlessk Jan 2014 #20
You Rock it, MissMillie Tuesday Afternoon Jan 2014 #21
I've been fat and thin wryter2000 Jan 2014 #22
MissMillie, good post. I myself have lost 124 pounds and for the first time in years roguevalley Jan 2014 #23
Thank you. I am tired of seeing hatred and bigorty defended here at DU. nt Demo_Chris Jan 2014 #24
Vent away Beaverhausen Jan 2014 #25
hello friend! MissMillie Jan 2014 #26
Well done! Can I ask you something honestly? Barack_America Jan 2014 #27
Well, as I said in an earlier reply MissMillie Jan 2014 #30
Thank you very much - great post. klook Jan 2014 #28
We are above criticism for physical appearance. That's a Rush behavior. Sienna86 Jan 2014 #29
i like being fat FatBuddy Jan 2014 #31
to each his/her own MissMillie Jan 2014 #33
i made a major breakthrough FatBuddy Jan 2014 #37
But sometimes pipi_k Jan 2014 #82
you have love to yourself FatBuddy Jan 2014 #84
I've lost 40 pounds since January of 2013. closeupready Jan 2014 #32
Very nicely put. Bravo to you. Shrike47 Jan 2014 #34
Thank you, MissMillie tom_kelly Jan 2014 #35
No one asked you out? KamaAina Jan 2014 #36
Love this post Grateful for Hope Jan 2014 #88
Thank you! Matariki Jan 2014 #38
Thank you for speaking out. KitSileya Jan 2014 #39
Oh, wow, i can relate to your post laundry_queen Jan 2014 #44
You speak for a whole lot of us, Miss Millie nolabear Jan 2014 #40
Thanks for this! n/t PasadenaTrudy Jan 2014 #41
As A Person Who Watches My Weight Every Single ChiciB1 Jan 2014 #42
Good post. laundry_queen Jan 2014 #43
This is an excellent post Grateful for Hope Jan 2014 #91
Wow. sounds like you went through a lot. laundry_queen Jan 2014 #98
I also had abuse from my dad Grateful for Hope Jan 2014 #99
I'm so sorry to hear that laundry_queen Jan 2014 #101
Thanks for validating my thoughts, laundry_queen Grateful for Hope Jan 2014 #102
thanks, laundry_queen Grateful for Hope Jan 2014 #108
Great post, thank you! :). nt arthritisR_US Jan 2014 #45
thx for sharing your story Liberal_in_LA Jan 2014 #46
Thank you for your post. nt. NCTraveler Jan 2014 #47
thank you Miss Millie Skittles Jan 2014 #48
The only reason I felt it could have been an issue was the "too much is never enough" implied.... Spitfire of ATJ Jan 2014 #49
This was not a school day for me noamnety Jan 2014 #50
It's never as simple as "getting a sense of humor" when you're a consistent target of ridicule. nomorenomore08 Jan 2014 #110
I was there too, MissMillie.. annabanana Jan 2014 #51
I hear you - TBF Jan 2014 #52
Congrats on the weight loss... awoke_in_2003 Jan 2014 #53
If republicans mocked JFK for his back-brace and constant diarrhea, DU would be furious. arcane1 Jan 2014 #54
I thank you so dearly. KentuckyWoman Jan 2014 #55
My favorite post of the day mokawanis Jan 2014 #56
Exctly nadinbrzezinski Jan 2014 #57
Congrats on your weight loss...My sister was close to 400lbs HipChick Jan 2014 #58
I used to be fat too. Vashta Nerada Jan 2014 #59
For somebody who loves science I love that statement nadinbrzezinski Jan 2014 #61
My excuse was that I was too damn lazy. Vashta Nerada Jan 2014 #62
Once again, it is not a moral failing. nadinbrzezinski Jan 2014 #65
Congrats on your efforts BuddhaGirl Jan 2014 #95
i think there is a huge difference between 35 lbs overweight La Lioness Priyanka Jan 2014 #64
According to the BMI Vashta Nerada Jan 2014 #66
Also between reducing for six months wickerwoman Jan 2014 #73
So if we just shame and ridicule every obese person enough, they'll all lose weight... nomorenomore08 Jan 2014 #111
Yeah. Vashta Nerada Jan 2014 #112
If it's someone close to you whose weight you're concerned about, then that's one thing. nomorenomore08 Jan 2014 #113
Anyone who's in the public eye... Vashta Nerada Jan 2014 #114
I understand that argument, but it's too similar to those who try to rationalize, for instance, nomorenomore08 Jan 2014 #115
I hope everyone reads your moving post BainsBane Jan 2014 #63
K&R! DeSwiss Jan 2014 #67
Thank you for this post. NYC_SKP Jan 2014 #68
I've lost 85 lbs. I mostly agree with you, with just a little qualification. Silent3 Jan 2014 #69
Well said! Thank you for telling your story. liberal_at_heart Jan 2014 #70
Thank you for sharing. Sadly, people are superficial. merrily Jan 2014 #71
Thank you! a la izquierda Jan 2014 #74
Post removed Post removed Jan 2014 #75
Very well said ... 1StrongBlackMan Jan 2014 #76
Damn straight. cinnabonbon Jan 2014 #80
The same is true for people who bully, drink too much, make stupid choices, or go into politics Android3.14 Jan 2014 #81
What do you mean "You have no authority or experience that gives you the right..." auntAgonist Jan 2014 #89
No. Android3.14 Jan 2014 #100
This is such an excellent post Grateful for Hope Jan 2014 #83
Congratulations and thank you for your story. That said, BMI is flawed (not b/c muscle) MillennialDem Jan 2014 #85
Waist size matters too TexasBushwhacker Jan 2014 #94
Yes it is expressed as a range, but it it is still fundamentally flawed for height/weight squared! MillennialDem Jan 2014 #97
Those who are uncomfortable in their own skin (even if it's not readily apparent) are the ones auntAgonist Jan 2014 #87
Late night comedians haven't got the message. B Calm Jan 2014 #92
An old proverb packman Jan 2014 #93
I used to be thin Warpy Jan 2014 #103
As a person with asthma, Jamaal510 Jan 2014 #104
I'm sure those who risk their very life on surgery to get control over their eating would liberal_at_heart Jan 2014 #105
Morbid obesity is increasingly seen not as a moral failing nadinbrzezinski Jan 2014 #109
Message auto-removed Name removed Jan 2014 #106
Good for you Ms. Millie burfman Feb 2014 #116
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