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In the discussion thread: NOT ALL MEN, BUT STILL TOO MANY MEN [View all]

Response to Matariki (Original post)

Sun May 25, 2014, 08:41 PM

40. The fact of the matter is, people of both genders can be abusive, degrading and downright hatefull,

Yes it is a fact that male to female abuse, aggression, inequality and sexism is a huge problem which deserves a great deal of attention and change on the part of men and societal expectations. However this problem has two sides to it, and on the other side is the abuse, aggression, inequality and sexism toward men in society. The idea that one side of the problem can be solved without addressing the problem comprehensively is foolishness. Do we need to have income equality for women in the workplace? Of course we do, of course it is ridiculous that women are paid 70 cents for every dollar a man is paid, and we also need to change how society views a stay at home dad who's wife is the primary breadwinner. Do we need to address sexism and sexual aggression toward women? Of course we do, and we also need to change how men's and women's sexuality is viewed in society and in the media. The idea that these problems are only the fault of one gender is false and wrong, every sexist male has a mother who helped shape his life, either through his upbringing and or her choice of mate, and every sexist female also had a father who helped shape her life.

Yes there are very real dangers faced by women in society, and society needs to create protections for them, but the only real change that can occur begins in the larger picture of the problem. All of society is to blame for OUR gender problems, I've raised two nice young adult sons, who respect women's rights, in fact they respect all people's rights including their own. I personally was raised by a mother who was alcoholic and hated men including my father, we were raised listening to her continuous degrading of all men (I have 4 brothers and 1 sister), She had no clue what messages she was sending to her 6 children. On the other hand we had a father who stayed in an abusive marriage in order to make sure his children were cared for, he did everything he could to avoid confrontations with her volatile personality, and eventually left her after my youngest sibling left to live on his own. Of course many of my brothers grew up with a hatred for women in general, misappropriating their anger toward our mother, and so goes the cycle of misappropriated anger in society.

I grew up with many self defeating behaviors, until I started going to codependency and alanon meetings, at which, I learned of my misplaced anger and my inability to forgive people.

Let's stop having an angry debate on this subject and understand that this problem is much more complicated than men hating women, or women hating men, it is a socially downward spiral of emotional disfunction. Let's work to get help for women who need help, and also for society to change it's view of gender issues, gender roles, gender expectations, not just for one gender, but for both!

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LineReply The fact of the matter is, people of both genders can be abusive, degrading and downright hatefull,
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