"Cowardly, Selfish"

[cleduc]

60. I agree "Cowardly, Selfish" is nonsense and horrible way to express what went on.

I reject that while feeling we don't have a ton of facts to be very conclusive and we may never know.

29 years ago, I lost my best friend. He also had a drug and drinking problem. His grandfather, father, brother and sister all graduated at the top of their medical classes. So he had a lot of good medical support. He also had a couple of friends who really cared and did everything we could imagine to help him. He died after going on a bender and inhaling his vomit.

It was easy to conclude alcoholism and drug abuse was his downfall but it troubled me. We had done every single step of the 12 steps of AA and a whole bunch of other things thoroughly yet still lost him. I continued to communicate with his other good friend over the last 29 years and we'd gone over it and over it trying to figure out where we let him down or screwed up. (and I don't need the customary "it's not your fault" because I needed answers - it bugged me)

Last year, the guy who replaced him as my best friend started to behave somewhat similarly. I was all over it because I didn't want to get hurt again. It was the worst wound of my life. So I went to court and had my friend committed to a psychiatric hospital. They let him out and I had to do that two more times until they kept him for a while. The diagnosis was hypomania bipolar disorder. And I had my answer.

What we (the smart doctors and family) missed 29 years ago was the psychiatric diagnosis and treatment. The drug and alcohol abuse was just a symptom. In fairness to the doctors, not as much was known 29 years ago and the treatment choices we have today are substantially better. But we had treated the symptom of alcoholism and not the whole psychiatric problem. My current dear friend is not out of the woods but we're still working on it and we still have a chance.

Even today, as many would know, the problem with bipolar is kind of like alcoholism - not everyone can be treated successfully and a fair percentage take their own life. With hypomaniacs, the highs are awesome - like a great drug but the lows can be pretty nasty as I understand it (I haven't experienced it).

I'm no psychiatrist but my impression of Robin Williams and his behavior has a ton of similarities to my friends. He struck me as being bipolar with hypomania.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypomania

pressured speech
inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
decreased need for sleep
flight of ideas or the subjective experience that thoughts are racing
easy distractibility and attention-deficit similar to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
increase in psychomotor agitation
involvement in pleasurable activities that may have a high potential for negative psycho-social or physical consequences (e.g., the person engages in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, reckless driving, or foolish business investments).

Now Robin did not publicly display "inflated self-esteem". I don't know if he drove recklessly. He apparently had some money problems which is kind of wild for a guy who is in the top 10 grossing film actors of all time - in spite of his $30 mil combined for two divorces. They don't have to exhibit all the symptoms to be diagnosed with it. It is very common for folks with this condition to deny they have it even after the diagnosis. Sometimes, they take the medication and never accept they have the condition for the balance of their lives.

Having said that, I'm speculating. I don't know for sure. Just passing along some thoughts. But I think that speculation is closer to the mark and more humane than "Cowardly, Selfish".

I haven't been too caught up in the lives of celebrities over the years but a few losses have really got to me: JFK, RFK, MLK and John Lennon. Although they were gunned down and Robin was not, Robin stole my heart and I've been feeling a similar sort of profound loss since I heard the news. From that, I find "Cowardly, Selfish" offensive.