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In reply to the discussion: "Cowardly, Selfish" [View all]VA_Jill
(9,940 posts)found her beloved uncle when he killed himself by blowing his brains out with a shotgun. She was 14 at the time, and a very young 14 at that. I don't think her parents handled it very well at the time, including making her go to the funeral (!) and not getting her therapy, but that's neither here nor there. When I met her almost 6 years later she was still suffering and she had some of the attitude she'd absorbed from the people in the small town where she lived, that her uncle was "selfish" and "cowardly" for not facing up to his problems. I tried to help her see that he had a sickness and was so deep in his own pain that he could not see any other way out; he could not see how any actions he took would affect others. I think I was successful, because she was eventually able to understand her own pain and forgive herself for hating him all those years. It took a long time and a lot of long talks, though. One day I hope she'll have some strength and experience and maybe a little wisdom to pass on.