An open letter to America from a cranky groundhog

[OldRedneck]

11. Well, Carl, you need to count your blessings -- your life is not so bad

I don't want to disturb your hibernation, however, you should know that I live on 12 or so acres in rural Virginia, where I grow a lot of my own food.

Your Virginia cousins are under the mistaken impression that my garden is their garden. As a result, I watch carefully for them to pop their heads up out of their burrows and head toward my garden. When they do that, POW!!! -- Mr. Remington speaks and the local vultures have fresh dinner. Last summer alone, 11 of your cousins went to groundhog paradise -- I don't know if they met 72 groundhog virgins or not.

So -- maybe your being waked up from hibernation is not so bad after all!!!!