The Constant Pain Of Being Ugly.

[raging moderate]

18. Pretty is as pretty does. That is an old folk saying from my family.

As you may have guessed, most of us are not pretty. But so what? God sees the inward heart. That is one reason I like animals. Somebody accused me of liking them because they do not talk back. Actually, in their own way, they do, but, more importantly, they do not care that I am not pretty but instead respond to how I treat them.

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time right now. You are so far away, and you seem so sensitive and perceptive. The bullies and narcissists have been very active around you recently, eh? Well, you have a strong heart. You will yet find a good place for yourself, with useful work and pleasant friendships.

Since you live in France, you alone know the specific organization of society where you live. However, I feel certain that kind hearts must exist there, or the society would have torn itself to pieces by now. Bullies and narcissists never realize how much of the peace and prosperity they enjoy is created through unnoticed constant giving and forgiving in process around them, sweetening the interactions as rain moistens the soil. I bet that YOU have observed and comprehended that process, is it not so?

There is a movie made in the 1920s, called "Freaks." If you ever get a chance to see it, do not be afraid but go ahead and watch it. At the beginning, there is a circus with physically perfect acrobats and physically ugly members of the "freak show." However, by the end of the movie, as the plot unfolds and everyone shows his heart through his actions, one comes to understand how it is that the surface appearance is not the important place to find beauty. Those so-called "pretty faces" look hideous when distorted in hatred, while the so-called "freaks" look exquisitely beautiful in their mercy.

Somewhere around you, there are people with understanding hearts who know all this, perhaps better than I do. Do not be discouraged. Keep going, keep looking for them. They are your real people, your family in spirit, deep inside.

Meanwhile, do you have access to a church that offers refreshments after the service, is supposed to let anybody in, and might give a little food sometimes? (tell them to read the 25th chapter of Matthew's gospel, and that Christ is watching them). Or a store that discards its old bread just outside the back door with the trash? (I fed myself this way in college). Or a small piece of soil, where you might perhaps grow a little food? (it might help for later). Or a patch of forest, where you might perhaps find wild strawberries? (so small, yet so sweet!). Others have come before you, you are not the first to land in this position, maybe there is some little source of help that you are just about to discover.