General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: What Open Marriage Taught One Man About Feminism [View all]lostnfound
(16,162 posts)There is some truth to what he says, in terms of the impact it has on his feelings about his male identity. I think he is kind of brave for talking about it and for risking it.
Love goes deeper than sex. But for a whole lot of couples, this story would end in divorce, and for scores of couples it ends in abuse or even murder. Therefore I think it is a little dangerous to even discuss this, as it could encourage people to open a Pandora's box that hurts others.
The intense reactions that third parties have to stories of open marriage or infidelity are interesting, and annoying. People are loathe to criticize other couples -- and many "normal" couples treat each other very badly, like husbands isolating or abusing their wives, couples deriding each other, or spending the family fortune selfishly -- but any story of one party spending time in another person's arms is treated with revulsion and a DEMAND on the "injured party" not to put up with it. Even our female presidential candidate has been criticized for "standing by her man", as if it would be somehow better to throw away a 30+ year marriage with a soulmate that you've raised a child with, just to prove a point...or just to not be perceived as someone with low self-esteem in the eyes of third parties who have nothing to do with your life.
Personally, I care if my partner treats me with respect and is honest, and if he is kind to other people as well. I don't need to be his one-and-only. Jealousy is a curious emotion.