General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Do fathers still expect to be asked permission to marry their daughter? Is this a sexist tradition? [View all]meaculpa2011
(918 posts)and his blessing. We were only 20 at the time and my wife's mother had died a few years earlier. She was an only child and her father was 65 at the time. It was a difficult time for him since it was only the two of them. That was 44 years ago.
Anyone contemplating marriage should accept the fact you're marrying into the whole family. It's almost always a formality, but in many families it's taken very seriously. My wife had to pass muster with the "Supreme Court." In my family that was the Council of Sicilian Widows. I warned her, but she thought I was kidding. It was the first time I brought her to a holiday gathering (in my aunt's basement in Brooklyn) and there at the far wall they were all dressed in black with their arms folded. My grandmother asked if she was Sicilian. I said no. Then she asked what part of Italy her family came from. I said the Irish part of Italy.
Where they came from the people from the next town were considered foreigners, but she won them over very quickly.
My father in law, on the other hand, never really warmed up to me until our first child was born 20 years later.
My daughter is 22 now. If her prospective husband should come to me and have "The Talk" I'll accept it in the spirit it is given. If she decides to run off and elope, I have enough confidence in her judgement that she'll be fine as well. The big question is: How will I react if she should want to marry someone I know will not treat her well. I don't think she would, but when she was younger she dated one or two young gentleman who would not have been on my short list.
I think that's a much larger question than whether you should be insulted over a social convention.