10. “The president is such a good pitcher, he doesn’t want to embarrass Max Scherzer, who, I’m told, is also a pitcher.”

9. “He IS going to throw out the first pitch. Nobody ever said he wasn’t. #FakeNews.”

8. “I… uh… the thing is…. April… April… April… Stop shaking your head.”

7. “He already did it… and it was witnessed by more people in person and on the internet that any other pitch in the history of mankind. Okay? Everybody clear now?”

6. “Baseball is not that big in Russia.”

5. “He just doesn’t want to do it for the ‘Nationals.’ He’s waiting for an invitation from the ‘Universals,’ as befits his status.”

4. “I already called dibs on throwing out the first pitch in my Easter Bunny suit.”

3. “n9y25ah7.”

2. “The Washington Nationals used to be the Montreal Expos. Throwing out the first pitch would go against everything the president believes about border security.”

1. “He thought he was asked to ‘throw out the RICH,’ which, of course, he would never do.”