General Discussion

marlakay

(12,205 posts)

8. Not dying but my mom is 90 and I think about these things

Wed Oct 18, 2017, 09:43 PM

Oct 2017

My brother started backing off years ago, neither of us are close to mom but I make a effort and he just gave up about 5 years ago and I felt like it was so he wouldn't have to deal with any of the responsibilities of her aging. She is getting close to us having to put her in a home and looks like my daughter and I will be dealing with it.

My brother doesn't talk to me either so not like I can say, its your mom to.

I was best friends with my dad, (who died in 2000) never close to mom and they divorced in their 50's and my dad remarried, mom stayed on her own in tiny senior apt, still there same one after 30 yrs.

I hate to say it but I do it because of duty and I am a decent person. My mom all my life has pushed my buttons and as a child wasn't there for me at all when I needed her. Part of me feels like why should I be there for her? And I answer my own question with, because its the right thing to do.

As far as care giving I don't know if I could do that with our relationship. I would be more lately to find a place for her to go and visit her. My marriage isn't strong enough to deal with the stress of it.

I am just being honest, hopefully won't get crushed for that here.

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Highlight:

I am interested in reading experiences of primary caregivers of a dying parent. [View all] LuckyCharms Oct 2017 OP

... Kali Oct 2017 #1

anddddd now i'm crying LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #2

it is ok to cry Kali Oct 2017 #5

thanks kali n/t LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #7

Kicking for visibility Cadfael Oct 2017 #3

She passed awhile ago and i can't get over it...thank you for responding LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #4

i have some experience. boston bean Oct 2017 #12

Not sure I can be of much help. annabanana Oct 2017 #6

Not dying but my mom is 90 and I think about these things marlakay Oct 2017 #8

My mom just passed August 18th from pneumonia stevenleser Oct 2017 #9

This is hard, hard stuff. So sorry for the challenges you are experiencing. NRaleighLiberal Oct 2017 #10

Not primary, but involved as my Dad's wife was at home with him and was a champ elfin Oct 2017 #11

Yes, most definitely fairfaxvadem Oct 2017 #13

I've been the primary caregiver of a parent for years now. W_HAMILTON Oct 2017 #14

In my family we all had our role. My sister was the leader. She and I were applegrove Oct 2017 #15

People tend to give what they can at those times. WillowTree Oct 2017 #16

I take care of my mother and father without any help from two able and wealthy siblings ... MyNameIsKhan Oct 2017 #17

I have a slow burn that I still hold in after a couple years. IADEMO2004 Oct 2017 #18

Yes I helped my mother take care of my father. I have seven siblings of which all except one lived blueinredohio Oct 2017 #19

I took care of my father in law Corgigal Oct 2017 #20

It's been 29 years. mountain grammy Oct 2017 #21

My sister accused my mother of malingering while she was on a ventilator. LeftyMom Oct 2017 #22

This has been an interesting thread and I appreciate everyone that has shared. Mediumsizedhand Oct 2017 #23

I helped with mom and was primary with my dad Awsi Dooger Oct 2017 #24

I cared for my mother for the majority of my life... Skeletor Oct 2017 #25

I took care of my father MountCleaners Oct 2017 #26

We split it JustAnotherGen Oct 2017 #27

I really cannot thank you all enough for sharing your stories here LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #28

I didn't read your post here until I'd already answered the OP chia Oct 2017 #34

Therapist - good idea - and my experience Louis1895 Oct 2017 #36

God, horrible situation . . . . hatrack Oct 2017 #38

My father handmade34 Oct 2017 #29

I had a younger brother who felt his only responsiblity was to visit our mom and give orders . . . ATL Ebony Oct 2017 #30

No siblings. I am an only child but my cousins faced many problems with their siblings. coolsandy Oct 2017 #31

Yes, and years after the passing, it's still raw chia Oct 2017 #32

My mother took care of her mother for 3 years. I helped when I could. imanamerican63 Oct 2017 #33

This message was self-deleted by its author cwydro Oct 2017 #35

Primary for my Dad, but in large measure because of geography . . . hatrack Oct 2017 #37

URGENT: I know this is long but I am in desperate need of emotional support and advice Trust Buster Oct 2017 #39

I worked in long term care for eleven years ismnotwasm Oct 2017 #40

TRUST BUSTER... LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #42

Thank you LuckyCharms. My resources are very limited w/respect to attorney fees. Trust Buster Oct 2017 #43

I would try to see what sort of legal aid might be available to you. LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #44

Thank you LuckyCharms Trust Buster Oct 2017 #54

Reading this brings many memories and thankfulness. erinlough Oct 2017 #41

LuckyCharms kpete Oct 2017 #45

Oh kpete... LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #47

My mother-in-law peggysue2 Oct 2017 #46

Isn't it something? LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #48

Sadly . . . peggysue2 Oct 2017 #49

My poor brother is shouldering 80% Duppers Oct 2017 #50

I'm just at the tail end of this experience Zoonart Oct 2017 #51

I did that. My brother split ghostsinthemachine Oct 2017 #52

I am in the same hospital ghostsinthemachine Oct 2017 #53