I am interested in reading experiences of primary caregivers of a dying parent.

[applegrove]

15. In my family we all had our role. My sister was the leader. She and I were

there for the time when my mom was sickest. My brother's did their part by visiting and flying home from Japan and the like or fixing things. But they were not involved in the caregiving. I took care of my parents for years with healthcare aides. The very best people. And I was paid for those years I cooked dinner and managed doctors appointments and the like. I had agreed to do it as long as I did not have to clean. That was the deal. So I had lots of help when my parents were still there and not dying. When my mom got very sick we wanted to keep her with my dad at their retirement residence which was not a nursing home. My sister took the lead and organized it all from in town and out of town. She really put herself out there so all would go as smooth as possible. I will not talk about my mom's passing but safe to say that that my sister and I worked together with the hospice nurse. And most important my mom was comfortable on morphine. After she passed my brothers did their part in speaking at the funeral and in cleaning out my parents apartment a few months later. We all did what we felt comfortable doing. My parents are very lucky and could afford the best help. My sister was pushed beyond her ability to cope being out of town and balancing everyone and the only thing we could have done to alleviate that would be to have had my mom pass away in a nursing home. We moved my dad into one a few months later and were like 'all the problems she struggled to solve as mom was so sick, they are all solved here'. My sister looked out for all of us. We have socialized medicine in canada. I was very lucky to have support in so many ways. No one expected me to speak at the funeral and was told I could leave whenever I wanted to, I have ptsd. I helped a bit cleaning out the apartment but was told to go home and relax at some point. It was really hard seeing my mom struggle at the end. Even with morphine I would not like that for myself. I'm just thinking that you were my sister in this scenario. And everyone should have a sibling like you.