I am interested in reading experiences of primary caregivers of a dying parent.

[WillowTree]

16. People tend to give what they can at those times.

One of my sisters was less "present" when my Mom was in hospice and yes, the rest of us resented it. It's not as if she loved Mom less or was less committed to her, she just didn't have more in her to invest in the care of a dying parent. It was much the same way 5 years later when Dad passed away.

But when we got some distance from the situation, we came to realize that we may never know why, but some people just deal with the dying part differently. I personally think that she really wanted to be there more, and she even told me once that she envied the precious time that we had with them. Nothing stopped her from being there.......except something in herself. And afterward, she did a kick ass job in handling most of the BS of settling the estate.......because that's what she had to give to them and to us.

Maybe it's similar with your sib. Maybe not. But I can tell you truly that no one will suffer as much as you if you don't find a way to let go of it. That will most likely take time. It'll take as long as it takes. Just be glad that you know you did what needed to be done for your loved one and s/he knew it, too. That's what's most important.

Hugs. I know it's such a rough time, so hugs and more hugs to you.