General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: I am interested in reading experiences of primary caregivers of a dying parent. [View all]mountain grammy
(27,983 posts)I found out my mom had ovarian cancer and I was pregnant all in the same week.. Mom was 77, I was 40, she was in Hartford, my sister too, I'm in Colorado. Since our dad died when I was ten, my mom was our only parent for most of our lives.
When we got the diagnosis, I immediately flew to CT and stayed for two weeks, but had to return to work. My sister took over, and mom responded to chemo and went into remission. Then they did surgery, but the oncologist was not hopeful. She came to Colorado in June to visit. We had the best time. She was so excited to be expecting a granddaughter after two grandsons. When she left, I knew she wasn't feeling well and I tried to give her a pep talk, but by August, she was back in the hospital. I went to CT and stayed through August and into September. We got mom's apartment cleaned out, the doctor said she wasn't going home and that she was only holding on until her granddaughter was born. I considered just staying in CT for the duration, but needed to see my doctor. I came home and was immediately put on bedrest. told the doc I had to return to CT, my mother was dying. No way, she said, you're going to bed. My daughter was born 6 weeks later, and I talked to mom on the phone. That night she went into a coma and never woke up. 4 days later, she died. My sister had to handle everything alone. and she resented it.I didn't blame her. We buried mom's ashes next to my dad in Arlington Cemetery 4 weeks later. I still miss her, and the fact I wasn't there during her illness makes it harder. My sister never forgave me, but visited a couple times a year. She became a hoarder, disabled, and died suddenly in 2008. Our relationship was never great, but I think her having to handle mom's illness alone took a toll on her and not me not being there made it that much harder.
My heart goes out to you. Life goes on, and you'll be ok. Be happy for the time you had. Sorry I rambled on.. I don't know if it helped you, but it helped me. Thanks.
Edit history
Recommendations
0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):