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mountain grammy

(27,983 posts)
21. It's been 29 years.
Thu Oct 19, 2017, 01:04 AM
Oct 2017

I found out my mom had ovarian cancer and I was pregnant all in the same week.. Mom was 77, I was 40, she was in Hartford, my sister too, I'm in Colorado. Since our dad died when I was ten, my mom was our only parent for most of our lives.
When we got the diagnosis, I immediately flew to CT and stayed for two weeks, but had to return to work. My sister took over, and mom responded to chemo and went into remission. Then they did surgery, but the oncologist was not hopeful. She came to Colorado in June to visit. We had the best time. She was so excited to be expecting a granddaughter after two grandsons. When she left, I knew she wasn't feeling well and I tried to give her a pep talk, but by August, she was back in the hospital. I went to CT and stayed through August and into September. We got mom's apartment cleaned out, the doctor said she wasn't going home and that she was only holding on until her granddaughter was born. I considered just staying in CT for the duration, but needed to see my doctor. I came home and was immediately put on bedrest. told the doc I had to return to CT, my mother was dying. No way, she said, you're going to bed. My daughter was born 6 weeks later, and I talked to mom on the phone. That night she went into a coma and never woke up. 4 days later, she died. My sister had to handle everything alone. and she resented it.I didn't blame her. We buried mom's ashes next to my dad in Arlington Cemetery 4 weeks later. I still miss her, and the fact I wasn't there during her illness makes it harder. My sister never forgave me, but visited a couple times a year. She became a hoarder, disabled, and died suddenly in 2008. Our relationship was never great, but I think her having to handle mom's illness alone took a toll on her and not me not being there made it that much harder.

My heart goes out to you. Life goes on, and you'll be ok. Be happy for the time you had. Sorry I rambled on.. I don't know if it helped you, but it helped me. Thanks.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

... Kali Oct 2017 #1
anddddd now i'm crying LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #2
it is ok to cry Kali Oct 2017 #5
thanks kali n/t LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #7
Kicking for visibility Cadfael Oct 2017 #3
She passed awhile ago and i can't get over it...thank you for responding LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #4
i have some experience. boston bean Oct 2017 #12
Not sure I can be of much help. annabanana Oct 2017 #6
Not dying but my mom is 90 and I think about these things marlakay Oct 2017 #8
My mom just passed August 18th from pneumonia stevenleser Oct 2017 #9
This is hard, hard stuff. So sorry for the challenges you are experiencing. NRaleighLiberal Oct 2017 #10
Not primary, but involved as my Dad's wife was at home with him and was a champ elfin Oct 2017 #11
Yes, most definitely fairfaxvadem Oct 2017 #13
I've been the primary caregiver of a parent for years now. W_HAMILTON Oct 2017 #14
In my family we all had our role. My sister was the leader. She and I were applegrove Oct 2017 #15
People tend to give what they can at those times. WillowTree Oct 2017 #16
I take care of my mother and father without any help from two able and wealthy siblings ... MyNameIsKhan Oct 2017 #17
I have a slow burn that I still hold in after a couple years. IADEMO2004 Oct 2017 #18
Yes I helped my mother take care of my father. I have seven siblings of which all except one lived blueinredohio Oct 2017 #19
I took care of my father in law Corgigal Oct 2017 #20
It's been 29 years. mountain grammy Oct 2017 #21
My sister accused my mother of malingering while she was on a ventilator. LeftyMom Oct 2017 #22
This has been an interesting thread and I appreciate everyone that has shared. Mediumsizedhand Oct 2017 #23
I helped with mom and was primary with my dad Awsi Dooger Oct 2017 #24
I cared for my mother for the majority of my life... Skeletor Oct 2017 #25
I took care of my father MountCleaners Oct 2017 #26
We split it JustAnotherGen Oct 2017 #27
I really cannot thank you all enough for sharing your stories here LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #28
I didn't read your post here until I'd already answered the OP chia Oct 2017 #34
Therapist - good idea - and my experience Louis1895 Oct 2017 #36
God, horrible situation . . . . hatrack Oct 2017 #38
My father handmade34 Oct 2017 #29
I had a younger brother who felt his only responsiblity was to visit our mom and give orders . . . ATL Ebony Oct 2017 #30
No siblings. I am an only child but my cousins faced many problems with their siblings. coolsandy Oct 2017 #31
Yes, and years after the passing, it's still raw chia Oct 2017 #32
My mother took care of her mother for 3 years. I helped when I could. imanamerican63 Oct 2017 #33
This message was self-deleted by its author cwydro Oct 2017 #35
Primary for my Dad, but in large measure because of geography . . . hatrack Oct 2017 #37
URGENT: I know this is long but I am in desperate need of emotional support and advice Trust Buster Oct 2017 #39
I worked in long term care for eleven years ismnotwasm Oct 2017 #40
TRUST BUSTER... LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #42
Thank you LuckyCharms. My resources are very limited w/respect to attorney fees. Trust Buster Oct 2017 #43
I would try to see what sort of legal aid might be available to you. LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #44
Thank you LuckyCharms Trust Buster Oct 2017 #54
Reading this brings many memories and thankfulness. erinlough Oct 2017 #41
LuckyCharms kpete Oct 2017 #45
Oh kpete... LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #47
My mother-in-law peggysue2 Oct 2017 #46
Isn't it something? LuckyCharms Oct 2017 #48
Sadly . . . peggysue2 Oct 2017 #49
My poor brother is shouldering 80% Duppers Oct 2017 #50
I'm just at the tail end of this experience Zoonart Oct 2017 #51
I did that. My brother split ghostsinthemachine Oct 2017 #52
I am in the same hospital ghostsinthemachine Oct 2017 #53
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