I am interested in reading experiences of primary caregivers of a dying parent.

[ismnotwasm]

40. I worked in long term care for eleven years

We would see variations of these kinds of stories, the worst one having little to do with money, but end of life care. The patient had remarried a much younger women, alienated his first family, and subsequently had a stroke. His new wife made his medical decisions for him, dispite an earlier living will. She wanted everything done to keep him alive, per his earlier wishes he would have wanted to be a no code. Perhaps it did have to do with money, I don’t know what was in the will. I know the man suffered a lot.

Anyway, what I saw, there was very often a primary sibling who seemed to take on the responsibilities of caregiving, sometimes with a spouse. Family dynamics during these times can be extremely tense, and what may have been a personity quick in a person suddenly becomes a horrible personal trait. For instance, there were a pair of upper middle class, well educated sisters, one lived close to their mom and made decisions for her. But her sister who lived out of state ended up sending ME a care package of clothes and such, because her sibling would not have allowed the gift. It was weird

I think being the primary support in these situations is one of the most emotionally exhausting things ever, and so often it’s not just thankless, but in cases like yours damaging to the heart.