I am interested in reading experiences of primary caregivers of a dying parent.

[LuckyCharms]

42. TRUST BUSTER...

I'm certainly no expert, but I have been the executor of an estate for a relative other than my mother. My sibling was the executor for my mom, and I had the power of attorney. My sibling was only able to manage to control the last few dollars of the estate, since my mom had next to nothing.

Considering the above disclaimer about my experience in these matters, here is what I would intuitively do in your situation.

1) Immediately cut all emotional ties with the "bad" brother. Treat him with "no contact". Do not, under any circumstances, speak to him, about anything. Do not open any snail mail or email from him. Block his phone number. Block him on social media. Do not talk on social media about the situation at all. If he somehow manages to get through to you somehow, remove yourself immediately without saying a word.

2) I will have to re-read your post because I'm trying to get an answer to you here quickly. I am not sure if you mentioned if you have the resources to lawyer up, but if you do...please do that immediately. Have your lawyer draft a letter to your brother which communicates your desire to be free from contact with him. The letter should state also that anything that you are required to provide to your brother via the estate is to be requested formally from your lawyer, and not you directly.

3) Make sure that you have anything and everything related to your mother's wishes subsequent to the time she wrote her will. Documentation is key.

4) See if you can get your other 2 brothers to rally around you. You will need emotional support from them. Also, if your lawyer recommends it, see if they are willing to sign an affidavit which details your care giving responsibilities, as well as your mother's wishes.

5) Try to re-create a journal from memory as to the time spent performing care giving duties for your mom. This is not as good as a contemporaneous journal, but it is better than nothing.

6) Your lawyer can steer you further at this point. Do NOT speak to your brother, about ANYTHING.

I will go re-read your post later this afternoon to see if you mentioned anything about not having the resources to hire a lawyer. If this is the case however, I'm not sure what advice I can offer, because trying to navigate estate disputes without representation is very difficult.

Good luck, friend. It will be OK. You just have a fight on your hands, but you can win it.