I am interested in reading experiences of primary caregivers of a dying parent.

[kpete]

45. LuckyCharms

I am knee deep into this

My mother passed earlier this year. My highly dysfunctional family actually got through this very well.
We somehow were able to rally our concerns and for the first time in 60 some years, we actually agreed on almost everything and are closer than we ever were growing up.

Mostly, we wanted my father who is 95 to have a situation where he was comfortable after 7 years of being my mother's primary care-giver. We fought hard with my mother to put her into Assisted Living and give my dad some rest. For the last 7 years it has been back and forth, rehab-assisted living-home. Now, she is gone, and my father is actually doing really well. We are listening to his wishes and trying to understand his needs. Tough, but easier than it was when mom was still alive.


This week, it is my mother-in-law, a wonderful woman of 96. She had been highly functional until a week ago. She developed a UTI and has had several complications. She is in the hospital, but we are trying to move her to Skilled Nursing and then Assisted Living. She has been living in a Senior Residence, where she has made friends. We hate to move her, but she needs more care, as her eyes, ears, body fail her more and more.

This is what has surprised me most. My husband (mr pete is an amazing husband & son) is getting little help from his sisters. They simply cannot find the time. They had a mother who is not a saint, but certainly has loved her family unconditionally. The fact that they can feel comfortable letting their brother (and sister-in-law) make decisions, write checks and be the liason between drs, nurses, staff, physical therapist, ins, etc --- has me in a fit.

Here is a family with very little dysfunction (I have been with them for 47 years) cannot muster the energy or spirit to join us in their mother's care is beyond the pale for me.


Your post gave me an opportunity to vent. Much of my frustration is raw as well. I believe both my father and my mother-in-law deserve their children's help. I am proud to say my brothers and I have stepped up to the plate and we all feel good about it. My husband's family, who have been loved, cherished and never abandoned need to rally to their brother's side.

anyway,
peace,
kp