I am interested in reading experiences of primary caregivers of a dying parent.

[peggysue2]

46. My mother-in-law

died this March, having lived with us for 18 months. It was a hard move after her husband died of colon cancer but everyone agreed she was not capable of living on her own. Meant uprooting an 88-year old woman from her home in Pennsylvania then moving her 700 miles south, to a region and state with which she had no connection. She missed her church, her friends, her neighbors. And, of course, her husband of 70 years.

That being said, the first year went pretty well, far better than I expected. My mother-in-law was a very anxious person, so every medical appointment was filled with angst and complaint. We converted our first floor dining room into a bedroom and remodeled the downstairs powder room into a full bath. She had problems navigating stairs. But our biggest problem was getting her to move, as in get up out the chair she sat and slept in 24/7. That was difficult, made me feel like a continuos nag, aways suggesting she move around.

I'm convinced her death was a combination of being sedentary and a bad drug reaction, a drug her cardiologist had suggested she stop. The last six months were difficult, the last six weeks miserable.

My husband has one brother who was not very involved with the family. In fact, there was a huge split 30 years ago with his parents. Recently, he called to tell my husband that his mother promised him 50% of the proceeds on the family home. My husband was executor on the will and the will was specific--all assets were left to my husband. It was a small estate; even the house built in the 30s isn't worth much. The property in Delaware County is worth more than the structure.

Needless to say, my brother-in-law was not a happy camper with the news.