Does ANYONE here, or anywhere, have a perfect past? Very doubtful.

[tymorial]

27. Yeah I completely understand

I used to teach music lessons after I graduated college: voice and piano. Part of voice training is learning breath control, body position, etc. I would instruct the student to place their hand on their stomach to feel the change in how to breath properly and support their notes. I would discuss posture and how to emote. I would tell the student to watch me as I breathe properly. I would have them observe me as I demonstrated technique and style. From the educated Observer this would all seem innocent and yet someone uninformed could see it differently. Telling a young woman to place her hand on her stomach and to change her breathing for example. Most of my voice students were young women.

Most of my piano students were young kids with a few adults here and there. One of my favorite memories of that time was my last lesson with my very first piano student. She was about 7 or 8 years old. I was closing my studio and moving away. In the last lesson she brought me a drawing that she made of the two of us during our lessons. Towards the end of the lesson she started to cry and as she got up to leave she ran up to me and gave me a hug. Her mother was there and she started to cry too. It was one of those moments that I have never forgotten and it's a moment I cherish. It was all very innocent but I was a 24 year old man with an 8 year old girl hugging me. I patted her on the back and told her that I would miss her too . It was touching but I was very aware that she shouldn't be hugging me. I was certainly not going to push her away though and make her even more upset and crush her. I was grateful that her mother was there. She knew her daughter was just expressing her sadness and appreciation. Yet an outside observer could very easily view the scene as inappropriate and make a complaint. What if the mother wasn't there and that was witnessed.

I didn't encourage the girl to give me a hug and obviously there were no complaints but how do you handle a situation like that? Quite frankly it was a beautiful moment and there was nothing untoward or wrong about it. Still if the situation happened today I probably would extract myself from her as soon as possible knowing it might make the kid feel rejected and unwanted.

Another experience that sticks out,

I had two sisters who were taking voice lessons. They were both reasonably talented but very lazy. They didn't take the lessons seriously and always goofed off. I really liked them but one day they went too far and I had to lecture them on their lack of preparation. I expressed that it was unfair for their parents to spend money on their lessons if they were not going to practice and be prepared. I stated that I felt uncomfortable taking their parents money when they were not improving due to lack of practice and effort. They complained to their mother that I was mean to them and the mother called my employer. My boss called and asked what happened and I explained. There was no accusation of sexual harassment or assault but the school was concerned. The mother came to the next lesson and asked me what had happened. We sat down and hashed out all of the details. She apologized and stated that she was happy that I pushed her girls to be mature and responsible. The daughters apologized for trying to get me in trouble. I continue to teach them because I respected the fact that they owned their behavior by apologizing to me and the school.

My situation today this even more challenging. I am a substance abuse counselor and clinical social worker. I spend a lot of time one-on-one with patients. Because of the nature of our work many private and deeply personal experiences are shared and worked through. I have had to discharge patients for various reasons. Fear of an accusation of impropriety is not far from my thoughts.