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Wed Feb 22, 2017, 10:14 PM

AMERICANS OVERWHELMINGLY SAY LIVES HAVE IMPROVED SINCE KELLYANNE CONWAY WENT AWAY [View all]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—An overwhelming majority of Americans say that their lives have improved since Kellyanne Conway went away, a new poll finds.

According to the poll, Americans have been sleeping more, eating better, and enjoying a markedly greater sense of well-being following Conway’s sudden departure.

“I had lost my zest for life,” Carol Foyler, a poll respondent, said. “Now that Kellyanne Conway is gone, I greet every day with a smile, I feel my energy coming back, and I want to have sex again.”

Across the nation, medical professionals have reported striking improvements in patients’ mental health since the White House counsellor vanished, a phenomenon some doctors are calling the Conway Effect.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/americans-overwhelmingly-say-lives-have-improved-since-kellyanne-conway-went-away

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Reply AMERICANS OVERWHELMINGLY SAY LIVES HAVE IMPROVED SINCE KELLYANNE CONWAY WENT AWAY [View all]
Zorro Feb 2017 OP
bravenak Feb 2017 #1
Leith Feb 2017 #5
bravenak Feb 2017 #6
luvMIdog Feb 2017 #2
PoindexterOglethorpe Feb 2017 #3
Amaryllis Feb 2017 #4
Zambero Feb 2017 #7
Laffy Kat Feb 2017 #8
shadowmayor Feb 2017 #9