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Shankapotomus

(4,840 posts)

99. Walk into any busy supermarket

Tue May 8, 2012, 10:18 PM

May 2012

and start acting like you work there. Start out with the most menial tasks to discourage anyone from questioning your presence there. If anyone does question you, just say "I'm new". Try to arrive in the morning and work the whole day. If no one uncovers your ruse, do it again the next day.

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Post your BAD advice here. [View all] ohiosmith Apr 2012 OP

Any home renovation should begin with knocking down the main support walls. baldguy Apr 2012 #1

What's the worst that could happen? taterguy Apr 2012 #2

The best way to warm your nuts is to place them directly on a stove burner at the highest flame. HopeHoops Apr 2012 #3

Go ahead and post that sex tape of yours on the internet. Nobody you know will see it! Kaleva Apr 2012 #4

Do not dim your headlights until the other guy dims his first. Kaleva Apr 2012 #5

Are Posts 4 and 5 related somehow? bluedigger Apr 2012 #25

compromise your morals and sleep with someone without a commitment tabbycat31 Apr 2012 #6

Sorry if that actually happened to you. Kaleva Apr 2012 #7

it actually did happen to me tabbycat31 Apr 2012 #59

It's OK marry someone you have only known for three weeks, especially when crunch60 Apr 2012 #37

Oh, man, I hear you on that. geardaddy May 2012 #107

Oh, sure, you got a job... bluedigger Apr 2012 #26

Run with scissors... WillParkinson Apr 2012 #9

Always, I repeat always.... AllenVanAllen Apr 2012 #10

Pissing on an electric fence is really cool Major Nikon Apr 2012 #11

OOOooooooo sparklies!!!!! benld74 Apr 2012 #12

Pissing against the wind is fun. MichaelMcGuire Apr 2012 #30

Must had been real close. LiberalFighter Apr 2012 #32

Always let your cat(s) roam loose in the car LiberalEsto Apr 2012 #13

Hate to be a buzzkill, but that's how David Crosby's girlfriend Christine Hinton died Amerigo Vespucci May 2012 #98

Smoking a Marlboro before sex will prevent pregnancy. Lil Missy Apr 2012 #14

That must be Jan Brewer's method of birth control. LiberalFighter Apr 2012 #33

And also, don't forget to put the aspirin between your knees. Good crunch60 Apr 2012 #38

Here, smell this: Lil Missy Apr 2012 #41

lol, I have a half brother becasue my dad said OriginalGeek May 2012 #88

Dimming your headlights makes your car turn invisible. Initech Apr 2012 #15

Try to please everyone sarge43 Apr 2012 #16

Consider Fox as your source of news. BarbaRosa Apr 2012 #17

When pulled over by the police Meiko Apr 2012 #18

or make the bastard chase you Joe Shlabotnik Apr 2012 #21

"That's right, pepper spray the man who is expressing his right BlueIris Apr 2012 #46

Always run bare electrical wiring through the shower LaurenG Apr 2012 #19

If you think it might be a fart; you know it's just going to be a fart. Kaleva Apr 2012 #20

Vote Conservative! (how's that for bad advice?) LeftishBrit Apr 2012 #22

Get married at age 16 ! nt steve2470 Apr 2012 #23

Do everything and say everything your little heart desires at all times ! nt steve2470 Apr 2012 #24

Don't look before you leap. bluedigger Apr 2012 #27

OK Bertha Venation Apr 2012 #28

For good luck, kick a Wal-mart greeter man in the nuts. Kaleva Apr 2012 #29

Get drunk and post all night on DU. Swede Apr 2012 #31

I can think of a lot worse advice . . . OrwellwasRight Apr 2012 #57

Post in meta, telling them how fucked up they all are. kayakjohnny Apr 2012 #34

Not only BAD but the WORST HeiressofBickworth Apr 2012 #35

It's OK to post all your embarrassing photos on your private Facebook page Generic Brad Apr 2012 #36

Buy a Ford Windstar, they are fantastic mini vans....nt Broken_Hero Apr 2012 #39

Oh God, don't get me started TrogL Apr 2012 #68

No worries.... Broken_Hero Apr 2012 #72

Our 98 Windstar gave us 120k GREAT miles, sold it for 2k, and its still runniing fine benld74 May 2012 #81

Was that when the head gasket blew or the automatic transmission stripped 3rd gear? TrogL May 2012 #104

Save a ton of money and beac Apr 2012 #40

In November, vote Mitt. 2ndAmForComputers Apr 2012 #42

You can use old motor oil to fertilize your lawn Electric Monk Apr 2012 #43

There's no problem that's too trivial for Help & Meta -- go ahead & ask! pacalo Apr 2012 #44

But surely everyone follows that advice already... LeftishBrit Apr 2012 #61

Insult the boss's favorite. BlueIris Apr 2012 #45

Try to reason with someone involved in a domestic dispute. zanana1 Apr 2012 #47

Head over to Free Republic and say you love Mormons. BlueIris Apr 2012 #48

SURE you can fit in that parking space! . . .. . n/t annabanana Apr 2012 #49

the best way for Fido to travel is on the roof tabbycat31 Apr 2012 #50

lol nt treestar Apr 2012 #53

Save gas by having your kids hitchhike to school JonLP24 Apr 2012 #51

It's okay to whiz on the electric fence. n/t krispos42 Apr 2012 #52

On a night with a full moon, you can drive without headlights on, by moonlight alone. kwassa Apr 2012 #54

making big decisions in life NJCher Apr 2012 #55

Just reach in there and see if anything is alive jberryhill Apr 2012 #56

You'd better reply to that email from IRS.ng Morning Dew Apr 2012 #58

If a photocopier is jammed, use a wet umbrella tip to un-jam it! LeftishBrit Apr 2012 #60

Be sure to accept all those friendly e-mail business offers from Nigeria LeftishBrit Apr 2012 #62

Don't save for retirement, that's a buzzkill and besides, work is fun ! nt steve2470 Apr 2012 #63

Random gunfire outside? Get out there and check it out! HappyMe Apr 2012 #64

Fry bacon naked. Scuba Apr 2012 #65

Fryin Bacon Nekkid - Roger Alan Wade Major Nikon May 2012 #75

Some that I actually received: cloudbase Apr 2012 #66

Use your penis to get a stuck bagel out of the toaster mikeSchmuckabee Apr 2012 #67

Accuse your priest of heresy TrogL Apr 2012 #69

A hairdryer doubles as a redneck Jacuzzi in the bathtub chrisa Apr 2012 #70

When the state trooper pulls you over for speeding, tell him to fugg-off: struggle4progress Apr 2012 #71

Quit your job because that hot girl said DiverDave May 2012 #73

Always talk to cops SkatmanRoth May 2012 #74

If you're thirsty, pay no attention to what others say, go ahead and drink the water. A Simple Game May 2012 #76

Buy a condo in a bad neighborhood in Milwaukee. mysuzuki2 May 2012 #77

Every bad situation can be improved SOteric May 2012 #78

You can save alot of money from paying tolls by flying over the toll booth in your car Kaleva May 2012 #79

Pull my finger. nt rrneck May 2012 #80

After being constipated pipi_k May 2012 #82

Always use a firm hand when pressing Press Object A into Object B -- Hell Hath No Fury May 2012 #83

I'd get liquored up before cutting that there tree down auburngrad82 May 2012 #84

No need for condoms, just pull out. 4th law of robotics May 2012 #85

When a guy asks you to marry him don't ask the following questions: Manifestor_of_Light May 2012 #86

Don't vaccinate your kids. nt La Lioness Priyanka May 2012 #87

To impress a hot chick at the bar just say, "yeah, I cut my own hair". Grantuspeace May 2012 #89

No can do quakerboy May 2012 #90

He who laughs last gathers no moss. targetpractice May 2012 #91

Just jam the fork in the toaster. That'll get the damned hifiguy May 2012 #92

Buy Sprint Nextel (NYSE: S) at above $20/share. lastlib May 2012 #93

Cross the streams! ThoughtCriminal May 2012 #94

Buy high lovemydog May 2012 #95

ALWAYS swim IMMEDIATELY after a big meal and you'll burn MANY calories. Amerigo Vespucci May 2012 #96

Always put salt in your eyes. jp11 May 2012 #97

Walk into any busy supermarket Shankapotomus May 2012 #99

Never say you're sorry. TroglodyteScholar May 2012 #100

Putting chopsticks up your nose and pretending to be a walrus AsahinaKimi May 2012 #101

lol, can't laughin too hard. BootinUp May 2012 #102

Shaving with a serrated steak knife. Kablooie May 2012 #103

Give your bank account number to that Nigerian prince NewJeffCT May 2012 #105

When it is freezing outside NewJeffCT May 2012 #106