Wedding etiquette poll

[mnhtnbb]

53. I had a very long talk with hubby last night about all this (he's a psychiatrist/psychoanalyst)

Last edited Thu Jul 26, 2012, 09:54 AM - Edit history (2)

and came to the conclusion that I am not going to let
myself get sucked into attending another family wedding as long
as my SIL will be there. I managed to get out of the last one--
but the fact this wedding has been scheduled for a very long time (over a year)
made it almost impossible to beg off.

I guess at 61 you can still have a learning experience. I broke off communication
with my SIL some years ago--a lot of history there--and I've known her for
over 40 years. I finally just had enough. She reminds me so much of my mother--
with whom I had a very difficult relationship
(she was very critical and abusive to me along with being opinionated and domineering). I just
refuse to be around her any more. My brother confided in me some years ago
that he was thinking of divorce, but feared his wife would turn the kids against
him--and he'd end up missing a relationship with his grown kids. There are two
reasons I decided to go in the first place: my brother wanted me to attend;
I wanted to remind my niece that she doesn't have to become her mother (I'm talking
physical appearance in that her mother is morbidly obese and her mother's family
are all significantly overweight). Remember, my niece is a dancer and she has struggled
with her weight in the last few years. There's a lot of family pressure to ignore healthy
eating and healthy lifestyle. Two years ago I embarked on a weight loss program myself
(which my SIL criticized as 'unrealistic') and dropped 40 lbs.

So, I will go--looking fabulous in my size 6 formal--and stay out of SIL's way as much
as possible (won't be easy since we're also attending the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner),
but be prepared for the back-handed barbs that I know will be coming. But, I'm not going
to subject myself to the stress of the situation again. It's just not worth it.

On edit: I am convinced that my niece put up a trial balloon on the table seating and that
it was her mother's (my SIL) idea. The baby and baby family will probably be seated at the edge of the dining area,
away from the band, and easy access to leaving the table for breast-feeding/changing. What better way
to neutralize a sexy, svelte relative than to put her where all attention will be on baby--at the edge of the room?
It's exactly the kind of thing my SIL would do: how could you not want to sit with the baby--but really an opportunity
for her to distance herself from someone who will make her uncomfortable? And then, of course, when the baby family
all leave the reception right after dinner, you're left sitting alone.