One last request for help and some DU love

[Shampoobra]

55. "I've seen her music deeply touch hearts that needed to hear her message"

It scares me a little to think I almost didn't click on your thread when you posted it. I was feeling very negative that morning, but I thought: Who knows, why not at least give it a chance.

My initial positive reaction, which began in earnest about a minute into the video, happened to coincide with a recent epiphany. I mentioned up-thread how the performance resulted in a rare moment of bliss, which was a topic that had been on my mind just a few days earlier.

I was taking a walk and listening to the radio, and a song came on that reminded me of the summer of 2001, which was one of the happiest periods of my life. Now, I've experienced moments of happiness and/or pleasure since then, but as this old song played, and as I felt a rising bliss that took me back to that summer, I discovered the reason my life was so good then, and so mediocre now.

Back then, I made it a point to experience blissful moments as often as possible. It was healthy, unlike chasing an addiction or an obsession. It was the kind of bliss that made me realize my very existence is a valuable gift that has been bestowed on me. Without that bliss, and even in moments of happiness or pleasure, the universe can seem ugly, cruel, and even punitive.

So that day, on that walk I realized why my day-to-day life was so much better then. (It wasn't because I was younger in 2001 than I am now, because 2001 was much better for me than many of the preceding years.) I had been seeking and finding bliss on purpose, on a regular basis, and that resulted in feelings of thankfulness instead of want.

Two or three days later, I was experiencing bliss again while listening to Kimberly sing "The Phoenix." I felt like, happiness and pleasure aside, I had developed an invisible shell that was made up all things negative ... as if the magnetic properties of this shell transferred to the outer layer, attracting more negativity (and further strengthening the shell).

I realized, happiness and pleasure aside, that what I've been doing for the past 12 years is WAITING. Nothing was going to improve, there was probably nothing good at the end of the journey, and suicide was (as always) out of the question.

I could go on all day like this. I'll try to cut it short. What happened when I watched Kimberly's video was just a pleasurable experience at first, as her voice is physically soothing. But then, the song's message seemed to address this inner version of myself, a version which had long been in hibernation. It reached the one who used to be in charge: the bliss-maker. The one who used to insist that life be made valuable on a recurring basis, and would tolerate no opposition.

"Its dark in here, where I've been hiding all my fears."

Had I seen those words in print, I don't think I would have noticed them, but when Kimberly sang them, the bliss-maker became enraged at his unlawful imprisonment, fought to break the shell, and it was a surprisingly easy exit. (Negativity, it turns out, has no intrinsic power!) The evidence I have that the experience is real has been my increased levels of creativity over the past two days.

So, seriously ... no need to thank anyone. Thank YOU for posting the link in the first place.