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csziggy

(34,135 posts)
10. After my Dad died, we talked with his minister and shared stories about Dad
Sun Apr 19, 2015, 04:53 PM
Apr 2015

The minister pulled various pieces out and did a wonderful eulogy that had everyone laughing and crying and feeling as though they knew Dad a little better. It was various bits - such as when his secretary told the minister that Dad was on the way into the church office, the minister would tell her to clear his calendar because he knew Dad would spend time talking the town and people he had known in it over the many years he had lived there.

What NOT to do is what my sister's husband did after she died. He let the minister that had not known her before her final illness get up and drone on for 90 minutes in Florida heat. That minister had not talked to her family members, had no idea of what my sister was like as a person and said things about her that were not true and that he apparently used in every canned memorial he did. Even when people at the graveside service began fainting from the heat, he kept going on and on. It made a bad experience even worse.

You had a suggestion to interview your Mom - do that but also interview any of her family and friends you can. Video the interviews to keep for the future. Then from those sources pick out the pieces that show the most about your Mom.

Or, from your own message, do as we did when my brother in law (a different one than above) died - we had a memorial service and everyone was invited to take their turn talking about their memories of him. We all learned little things about BIL we hadn't known and we all laughed and cried together. Then we had food and drinks and spent time together.

There are three different ways to handle it - good and bad. Hope this helps.

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