Wildlife--Southern California Style

[pinboy3niner]

21. Al Martinez ... On Everything Else: The War of the Rabbits

July 29, 2010 -

We first saw them hopping around in the spring and said to each other “Ain’t they cute” or words to that effect, watching the little bunny rabbits cavort amid the chaparral of Topanga, their little bunny noses wiggling and their little bunny ears flopping. But they ain’t so cute anymore.

They have invaded Cinelli’s vegetable garden and are eating the lettuce and the green beans and all the rest of the crop down to the roots, and as a result she has declared war on the rabbits.

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I am an amiable little pot bellied man without an aggressive thought in my head, but when angered I become the Incredible Hulk. My shirt rips open by the force of my pot and I grow large and snarly as buttons fly. My body turns a deep forest green and my eyes blaze blood red in clashing colors of rage, frightening little children and causing dogs to howl.

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Cinelli had our yard worker build the fence strong enough to resist the full-bore charge of an angry rhino, so the deer can batter it until Van Nuys freezes over and still not push it down. But what we didn’t count on were the smaller creatures that can squeeze through holes in the mesh no larger than a silver dollar and pop into the veggie patch.

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Cinelli darted from the car as though she had just spotted Bin Laden in the lettuce patch and ran shouting “shush!” at the rodents and “go!” All but one of the little creatures scattered, popping out of the garden like toys. The one remaining soldier, a rabbit, stared insolently as though he had decided to stand and fight. But before Cinelli could open the gate, Roger Rabbit also decided it was wiser to run, er hop, than fight and away he went. When Cinelli, who is usually placid and fun-loving, is angry you’d better get the hell out of the way. No one eats her garden and remains a friend.

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