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lumberjack_jeff

(33,224 posts)
9. Responsibility for ones kids? Absolutely.
Mon Apr 16, 2012, 11:17 AM
Apr 2012

But the only people who don't have a choice about how to fulfill that responsibility are non custodial parents. You are expected to not meddle in parenting, you are allowed visitation, at the real parent's suffrage.

The parent who works 70 hours a week to support the family isn't necessarily worse-suited to caregiving in event of divorce, and there are a lot of good reasons to give the kids the benefit of spending half their time in his or her household.

In fact, that binding responsibility for one's kids is the core of my problem with this.

I've been criticized in the past for respect for my dad which admittedly borders on idolatry. I need to explain. When I was about 4 mom and dad divorced. My mom's drug and alcohol problems, financed with child support, led us to California where we lived with her sisters for awhile, and then to a string of live-in housekeeping jobs. By age 5, I regularly cooked my own meals (hamburgers, generally). I never attended kindergarten, and attended 6 or 7 schools in first grade. At age 6 and 7, I was very streetwise about which apartment blocks in the projects to avoid. Redheaded and blue eyed, I stuck out like a sore thumb. It was very unsafe and there was no parental supervision.

Mom's brother-in-law called dad in Washington. "You have to come get Jeffy". He arrived with my uncle one afternoon a couple of days later. As my uncle led me out to the car, dad woke mom, told her what he was doing, gathered my things and left. That week he was charged with kidnapping. Life would have turned out very differently for me had mom not shown up for court drunk and wearing a fur coat.

Dad was a former golden gloves boxer, a depression-era kid who ran away at age 10, and a battle of the bulge veteran with a metal plate in his skull, a purple heart and a bronze star to show for it. He could work all day carrying 100# sacks of cement on each shoulder. He was not the archetype of a primary caregiver parent, but he knew what his responsibilities REALLY are, and not necessarily the ones the court decided.

Shared custody encourages better parenting because both parents are involved and have some degree of oversight of the other.

Charles Bruce and debtors prison [View all] lumberjack_jeff Apr 2012 OP
What was his income when he was accruing the debt? noamnety Apr 2012 #1
Imputed income is a fascinating topic. lumberjack_jeff Apr 2012 #2
I can talk some about impuded income as it applied to us. noamnety Apr 2012 #3
I'd like to see some unbiased, real data on this case, too. Warren DeMontague Apr 2012 #4
Kids aren't a consumer good. One doesn't need "to pay for them", one needs to "parent" them. lumberjack_jeff Apr 2012 #5
Here's my point. Going by the "traditional", Mitt Romney style family arrangement Warren DeMontague Apr 2012 #6
The court can't mandate anything. lumberjack_jeff Apr 2012 #7
You and I agree on much, but I think we part ways on a couple parts too. Warren DeMontague Apr 2012 #8
Responsibility for ones kids? Absolutely. lumberjack_jeff Apr 2012 #9
I hear you, Jeff. In my family it was my dad who was the alcoholic. I do suspect that both our Warren DeMontague Apr 2012 #14
Fitness based on what though? Whose criteria. There really only is one acceptable one stevenleser Apr 2012 #21
I'd start with who has been providing the majority of care, and then see how the kids feel. Warren DeMontague Apr 2012 #24
And I think that since the marital union is not an issue any longer, any arrangements made are not stevenleser Apr 2012 #25
You don't think, for instance, that the fact that one parent has spent 10 yrs in the workforce Warren DeMontague Apr 2012 #26
No.Let's turn that around. Since one that one parent has spent 10 years in the workforce should they stevenleser Apr 2012 #27
You think I'm advocating for a particular position. I'm not. Nt Warren DeMontague Apr 2012 #28
Dennis Rodman and Dave Foley Mammone Apr 2012 #12
Technically, Dave foley owes money in Canada, not the us. Warren DeMontague Apr 2012 #13
So they should go to jail? Mammone Apr 2012 #15
I'm sorry, but I'm not buying the narrative of "greedy ex... and !kids!" Warren DeMontague Apr 2012 #16
The courts are the greedy ones Mammone Apr 2012 #17
Judges get a cut of child support that they order? Warren DeMontague Apr 2012 #18
yes states get kickbacks and do pass on bonuses to judges Mammone Apr 2012 #19
excellent link. Bookmarking. nt lumberjack_jeff Apr 2012 #20
When your kids live with you half of the time, you are supporting them. Period. nt stevenleser Apr 2012 #22
I think denial of custodial rights should = no child support tech_smythe Apr 2012 #10
I think it should trigger revisiting the custody decision lumberjack_jeff Apr 2012 #11
a parent who prevents visitations... grasswire May 2012 #30
Unless it's the mother alienating the father... then it's ok tech_smythe May 2012 #31
The whole non-custodial parent is an invented and discriminatory state that is unnecessary stevenleser Apr 2012 #23
Progress is slow when there's a strong financial incentive to keep it the way it is. lumberjack_jeff Apr 2012 #29
Is this Charles Bruce? Cokab16 Jun 2016 #32
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