I'm hoping this forum will help...because I could really use some.

[fujiyama]

16. Well just figured I'd check in again

Thanks for the replies everyone. It's been a week and I haven't had a drink. During the week this was no big deal, but I'll admit dinner and bowling yesterday with friends was tough. And there was a pitcher sitting there calling my name...

But I decided not to answer. My friends were great about it and we had a good time. I'm not going to lie. What's worse than watching friends drink is watching a pitcher sitting there not being drank! LOL. Later I even met some other friends at a bar/club and I have to admit it was very interesting observing drunken people. One person was there with a friend of mine and he was trashed. My friend is pissed at him now. He was making a complete ass of himself. It's rare I can observe drunken people in much clarity, because I'm usually already there to some cloudy extent!

We'll see how this goes. I have a wedding to attend to next week. That will be tougher...but in a way, these are great challenges of will power. As my roommate said (he almost never drinks) - if you can conquer this, you may be able to start pursuing and accomplishing many other things you put your mind to. It's funny, but my resolution for the new year was never really to quit. It was to drastically reduce my consumption...and the first two weeks I had done exactly that.

But many of us have an event (often unexpected) that totally violates our personal moral and ethical code so deeply, that we're forced to make big decisions. I slipped one night. I was invited to a friend's place, and instead of drinking the beer or two I had brought with me, I had some God-awful nasty flavored vodka, which I probably did shots of. I don't remember. When I found out the afternoon afterr who appeared that particular night I blacked out, I was appalled and disgusted. I had basically been unaware of my own actions for an entire night! I wanted that person to never appear again. Whoever that was, wasn't me and won't be. That happened, of all days, on Friday the 13th!

Anyways, it's only been a week, and I'm still not sure I'll never have another drink ever again. But I like the "one day at a time" philosophy. It's very simple, yet powerful. It keeps you focused on the day at hand. It's sets a manageable goal. From that point on, you follow through on it. I'm still undecided on attending meetings just yet. For now, I'd like to do this on my own and find other hobbies and pursuits to spend my time on. And with some help from friends, I may be OK. I think the meetings can be very useful and I appreciate them being available. I'm in a pretty religious area though (in the south) and I'm guessing the meetings will be very Christian based, which is fine if your Christian. In my case, I'm actually thinking others on DU may also be a more effective circle, which is definitely less insistent on a Christian based recovery (a few have PMed me and I greatly appreciate the well wishes). I'm not interested in being proselytized or hearing about being saved by Jesus. In fact that may just turn me off. I just want someone a bit encouraging that understands that it's not easy kicking it. When I went to the meetings the first time, I was in a new town on the insistence of someone. I'll admit, I was also looking for a social circle. I had no real friends in that town yet. The circle is in place. My friends are here and will be around regardless if it's the drunken me or the sober me. Those who won't be here for me, aren't real friends. It won't be easy.

But it's a start...