I guess the thing is, I seem to be getting progressively more upset with not that this experience happened, but how it happened, and then I extrapolate that to other issues. I looked back at some posts from August, and it's like my fear of this situation is still the same.
Looking back at my admittedly bizarre little rant of two days ago, I guess the two themes are pain, humiliation, and a feeling of victimization about what happened, and fear it will happen again.
Coupled with this feeling of injustice done to me is the feeling that I need to do something to feel I can make a stand for myself if I have to. Then I ask myself it is better long-term to let this go, and it's a question of how. So I alternate between wanting to really research the legal aspect of my experience and prepare the best possible case for my position that fundamental rights were violated, file a formal complaint with MI LARA, and telling myself to just drop it and move on.
The other issues, can I be comfortable around a doctor and feel safe telling them what is going on with me, good or bad, and not fear being "sent away" for saying the wrong thing? I think so, as long as the doctor treats me with just a little respect and takes my feelings into consideration.
And, can I ever convince myself I'm not "damaged goods"? I get upset when I perceive someone else is treating me that way, but I can't shake the feeling that I am irredeemable in the long run and that it will never get better.
Up, down, up, down ... Getting to be really tedious.
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