question about the dread of going to the therapist

[postatomic]

8. I'm returning to my old therapist in a couple of weeks

Stressed like you can't believe. I keep running 'conversations' through my head. I'm also seeing my drug pusher tomorrow and I'm dreading that because I know he wants to put me on stronger drugs. He also wants me to go to spend some time in a hospital but I'm not doing that. I can't.

I would tell your therapist how you feel. Discuss the anxiety. In the past I've had to take a Xanax (or two) before I went to therapy. Especially when certain hidden 'wounds' are exposed. I've cried all the way home after more than one therapy session. I'm going back because I am fearful of what my brain wants to do to me.

Remember, your therapist doesn't judge you. (I keep telling myself that) I also tell myself "what's the worst that can happen?" There have been times I've gone to therapy and we didn't talk for the first 1/2 of the session because my anxiety was through the roof.

I don't know what to suggest for you. We're all different and what has worked for me may not work for you. Just hoping the best for you. That you can get through it. Especially if in the end it is helpful for you.