Lend me strength.

[Locut0s]

3. Thanks elleng. One day at a time indeed...

Talking over my issues with my psychiatrist I've come to realize that one of my primary issues is perfectionism. I've always known I suffered from it but until recently didn't realize it played as important a role in my emotional makeup as it does. I'm never satisfied emotionally without that 90+% grade or the realization that I went that extra mile. Historically I would get through about 2/3 of a semester with great grades but slowly getting behind in some areas, as procrastination and bad study habits are also part of the package for me, and then things would come to a head and I would be overwhelmed and give up. I've managed to drop university 4 or 5 times now because of it. It's become my Achilles Heal in the road of life.

I REALLY need to learn to take things one day at a time. Emotionally when I think of school I get this rush of anxiety because I'm taking it in in my head all at once. 7 courses, all that work, all that responsibility, the awkward social moments, the small failures that add up, I think of it all as one unit. But if I can manage to take it slowly, bit by bit I KNOW I have the intelligence and drive to excel at it like no one else. I just don't know if I can manage to parse the problem bit by bit like this. I'm certainly going to try though and I have some tools in my emotional tool box I didn't have in previous years so maybe it will be enough.