Seeking "cat-whisperer" advice ---- RE: New Cat in the house, compatibility with my older cat, etc

[nikto]

13. REPORT: It's 3-weeks later, and I am worried

I kept the gate up in the den doorway for weeks, fed the 2 cats simultaneously a few times, shared their scents, and the cats seemed to be able to handle closer and closer proximities to each other, so
now the gate is open (gate has been moved to the hall door to the bedroom where the original "home" cat, Krishna sleeps with us on the bed, while restricting the new cat, Opie, to the living room/den/kitchen/dining room area.).

When they 1st met face-to-face without a gate between them (a couple days ago), Krishna ran away,
but was later approached by Opie as she sat in a sheltered corner of the room, where he licked her forehead).
Things looked promising at that point, I thought. He really seemed to like her.

But now it seems, Opie's more dominant (or younger, curious and more playful?) male personality seems to be emerging.

She (Krishna) likes her space, and he is invading it, constantly ----Standing between her
and her food-dish (he's got his own in the den), making her back-off and walk away instead of eating,
and always wanting to be near her when she wants SPACE.

He is always wanting to be around her (probably playfully, it would seem), but he is making her
uncomfortable in her own house, as Krishna can't seem to go anywhere without Opie following,
or crowding her. I am willing to see this go on for a while, but will it ever change?
If not, I will be having 2nd-thoughts about keeping Mr. Opie.
And that hurts.

As long as I am there to make sure she can move-around freely without Opie crowding-in, and keep him out of the bedroom/hall area, and letting only HER go outdoors, then she has places she can flee to where she can have peace.

I am not letting Opie outdoors or in the hall/bedrooms yet (places where Krishna goes freely).
These are turning into her refuges, sadly. She mainly just runs from him now.
She hisses at him when he gets too close, but he doesn't back off much.

But he seems excited and "buzzed" to be free to roam a great deal of the house at this point.
The problem is he is not leaving Krishna alone, and she doesn't seem able to "make her space" with him, at least yet.
When she is outside, he lounges relaxedly on the couch, but usually follows her when she comes in.

I am at the end of what I can do, I believe.
I'm willing to give it more time, but it hurts me to see the sweet, aging Krishna made
afraid and intimidated in her own home.

I'm starting to think about the possibility of taking Opie back to Good Friends Adoption Center,
and it makes me feel like a stupid, miserable failure.

Why can't we all just get along?



And this whole affair has made my sense of loss from last December's devastating (for me) passing
of our wonderful boy, the gentleman Ragdoll cat Mukluk, even harder to live with.




I am so sorry to everyone this is not a more uplifting post, but the story isn't over yet,
so maybe there is yet some small hope ...?

I will try to be patient, but if things don't get better ... ?