I'll admit this happened to me. I hadn't thought of it a long time, but reading this made me think of it again. When my oldest one was little, we were waiting in a hospital waiting room, and she was climbing around the furniture, and a woman I know (I live in a small town and it's normal to see people you know at places like this) who is African American asked, politely, why I let her "own the place" like that. I thought it was an odd question. I just said she wasn't hurting anything and it was boring to wait. I had no context for why she'd even ask. I didn't understand why a child climbing up and down a couch and chair no one was sitting on would be something to ask about. She gave me a funny look and the conversation went on to other things.

This makes me really re-think this exchange. My daughter did learn that the world is available for her to own, and I think she still feels that so long as she isn't specifically bothering anyone (at which point I would stop her) she can do whatever she wants.


I also if wonder if white people appraise a white child and mother differently than they appraise a child and parent of color when the parent lets their child behave like that. No one else really paid attention to my child as she climbed, except an old white woman smiled at her and asked her name and how old she was. Would a young African American child have an older white woman smile and think she/he was charming?

This is one of those areas where I can see my white privilege because it never would have even occurred to me that race was an issue - I was 100% clueless. Thank you for posting!