Am I being too hard on myself or should I give up completely?

[valerief]

13. Don't stop!!! Keep writing. I think you just have too much "who cares?" stuff in there.

I used to do that. Anyone who can recognize it has done it themselves. I did. I stopped. Why slow down the action with stuff the reader could care less about? Also, I'm not a fan of using attributions other than said, asked, or shouted.
http://lecatr.people.wm.edu/Keep_Attribution_Simple_article.htm
Note--quotations go outside end punctuation.

Hope you don't mind the rewrite. It's the clearest way of showing you what I mean. Someone may end up rewriting my rewrite! Ha!

Good luck.

-------------------------------
Written from Hannah's POV. You should pick a POV.

When Amelia got off the city bus, Hannah rushed to her. "My life is completely over!"

"Oh, maybe they'll forget about it by Monday."

"Forget about it?" Hannah was annoyed by her best friend. "In my business math class, there are five varsity cheerleaders, six football players, five basketball players, and three other people who are just as popular--and they all want to kill me."

Amelia nodded. "Yes, yes, you had no control over what Mr. Maxwell did. You didn't tell him everyone was copying your homework. Besides, they shouldn't have been doing it in the first place."

A black Toyota Camry pulled alongside them.

Original

“My life is completely over”! Hannah Cantu groaned
as she watched her best friend, Amelia Abney, step off the grey city bus onto the sidewalk beside her.
“Maybe they will forget about it by Monday”? Amelia suggested in but the doubt could be heard in her voice. She pushed her long dark brown hair off of her face which was blown forward as the bus pulled passed the curb and down the main road.
“Forget about it”! Hannah repeated annoyed by Amelia suggestion. Her chestnut brown eyes rolled upward. “Do you realized that in my business math class there are five varsity cheerleaders six football players five basketball players and three other people who are just popular and they all want to kill me”.
Amelia nodded understanding the situation her best friend was facing. “You had no control what Mr. Maxwell did,” she reminded Hannah. “You didn’t go to Mr. Maxwell and tell him everyone was copying your homework and they shouldn’t have been doing it in the first place”. Amelia words became slow as her dark brown eyes noticed a black Toyota Camry pulling along side the curb.