For millennials, mysticism shows a path to their home faiths

[Act_of_Reparation]

8. Oh, absolutely.

I was walking down the street yesterday, wallowing in my atheism, when I was approached by a fat, bald Baby Boomer with a smile so big I could almost see it beneath the gray beard he'd been cultivating since his days protesting the Vietnam war. He said to me, "Hey, you! Did you know you can believe in God without doing that church thing?"

"Can I???" I asked. "How so!"

"Easy," said the old man. "Just sit down and think about Jesus really hard."

"So, like meditation?"

"Kind of," the man admitted. "But this meditation comes with 100% more Jesus."

"Oh," I said. "Well, I'm convinced! I have been waiting my whole life for a quieter, more solitary approach to unempirical belief. PRAISE THE DIVINE SPARK. ALL HAIL THE CREATOR."

And from that day forward, I was no longer a millennial atheist. I was the FUTURE OF RELIGION.