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[davsand]

55. I feel like I just dumped a huge burden.

Without going into a huge amount of detail, something that I have worked and planned for over the last couple years has been under almost constant challenge since about Thanksgiving. Much back and forth, stuff going awry unexpectedly, screwed up paperwork, lawyers, attempts to salvage, feelings of futility, anger at things I considered unjust and unfounded, MORE lawyers for trips to court (!) and now, finally, a trip to the Appellate Court. I had been sleeping about 4 or 5 hours a night, and it seemed like every day brought more problems and indignities with it. I felt like crap.

Dunno what shifted, but finally, things started to lighten up. The Appellate Court gave us the stay we asked for, and they agreed to fast track our decision. My attorney has been working like a dawg and suddenly, for the first time in a long time, I've been able to pick up a newspaper and not worry about what I'm gonna see.

Maybe it was my own realization that there have been some amazing good things that came out of the last few months--in spite of how painful it has been at times. Maybe it was my own decision/realization that it is gonna play out however it does--I've done as much as I can. I can't control it. I can only go along for the ride from here on out. If everything does play out in a way that I never envisioned I am ok with that. I've realized I simply don't have any choices left to make so I gotta let it roll. As Rick is fond of saying, "Let go and let God."

I have been sleeping just fine for the last few nights. We won't have a court decision for about two weeks, and I am convinced that they will find in a way that is just and fair. That's enough for me.


Laura