I'm new to this group and I have been browsing and reading for days

[Curmudgeoness]

11. I guess that I was lucky as a child.

I wasn't really a great thinker when I was young, so I just went along with it all. I feel for you, because I do know the pressure put on people to "feel the glory of Jesus". I was not a great thinker, but I also was not a great rebel....until I hit about 15 or 16. So when I had to go through the baptism and all that went with it, I just did it. I didn't really think whether it was right or wrong for me, or whether I believed or not. I never really felt the love, but I didn't worry about that. I don't suppose I took any of it seriously, since when I went to Bible camp every year, I was always sneaking over to the "boy's hill" or getting in trouble for making jokes and laughing during prayers. I am lucky, I didn't feel guilty about it. And I didn't have to decide when to join the church---it was pre-set for us at 12 or 13.

Your experience as a child is so sad. But I will bet that 90% of the people in your church who said you would just know when it was right also didn't really feel more than the desire to fit in. And the other 10% deluded themselves into feeling something that wasn't there. I can understand how you became an atheist. It was unfair.

It was only later, in steps, that I became an unashamed atheist. It took time to get here.