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Response to astonamous (Original post)

Thu Jun 27, 2013, 02:17 PM

1. Some of us don't even do that.

I don't need grief counseling when someone I care about dies. I just need space, and time. I can work through my own emotions just fine. All I need from other people is the space and respect to allow me to complete that process. And that is what it is for me. A process. I must adapt to a new set of rules, a new arrangement of reality. Can't speak to my father anymore, he's not there. Have to adjust to that. Have to adjust to what memories and emotions I will carry forward and feel about him whenever it comes up.

Once I adjust to the new reality, the grief fades to a manageable sense of loss. A hole. Maybe some regrets. Give me time to complete it, and I'm good. And I don't necessarily spell this out, but as my mother lost her father and others in my life experience loss, I do the same for them. Cut off the noise. Give them space, and time. Shelter them from outside distractions until they complete their process, even if they don't consciously describe it as a process.

There's a great song by Mumford and Sons, called 'Timshel'. It has a great line in it that sums up what I do; "And I will tell the night... and whisper 'lose your sight'.. but I can't move the mountains for you"

If I understand it correctly, 'lose your sight' is a reference to Macbeth. "Stars, hide your fires; Let not light see my black and deep desires."

So, I understand the line from Timshel, 'telling the night, lose your sight', to interpose myself between the grieving person and whatever distraction, hurt, voyeurism, criticism, or demands might exist from other people (the stars, looking in), so that they can have peace and space to deal with their own emotions as they best need. Scream. Cry. Paint. Sit and do nothing. Eat. Fast. Sleep. Whatever they need, build space they can do what they need and build that new mindset they need to face the world without the person they lost. I don't even need to be a part of it, and I cannot burn out their grief for them (can't move the mountains). But I can block those stars. I can't give you peace itself, but I can give you space and time to find your own.

And none of it requires a metaphysical anything to understand or accomplish.

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Arrow 4 replies Author Time Post
astonamous Jun 2013 OP
LineNew Reply Some of us don't even do that.
AtheistCrusader Jun 2013 #1
Tobin S. Jun 2013 #2
JNelson6563 Jun 2013 #3
LostOne4Ever Jun 2013 #4
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