... and hoping the holidays were at least bearable.

This first Christmas without my dad was... odd. We weren't close emotionally of geographically, but knowing what my mom was going through missing him was sad-making.

I hope too that you've found some better supports that you had at first. People get weird about death, don't wanna think about it, don't know what to say, so they get all avoidant and silent. Not a helpful thing when you're already feeling bereft.