a hundred times better than i was
but still far worse than i would be doing otherwise
the tears still flow but not nearly as constantly as they did before
i still fall into crying jags but not as frequently as i did
my mom is in my thoughts almost all the time. still.
and i still talk to her--often.
what a thing we go through--all of us who have loved and lost. and for those of us who have struggled with what seems to be a nearly impossible task of accepting, continuing, and moving forward--what a thing to have to live through. the road to recovery can be the hardest one to travel--trying to pull your life back together when you know, so well, that it will never be the same again.
and what i wouldn't give to have my life back. (meaning life as i once knew it--complete with those i once shared it with)
but this sense of resolve has been settling in more and more the last few months--it leaves me a bit numb which lessens the pain and the hurt. i'm coming up on two and a half years. (okay, so the resolve comes and goes. i'm writing this and crying and crying...) i never imagined my life without her being a physical presence in it and it's amazing to me that it has actually happened.
sorry for venting, kesha. how are you doing?