sometimes it seems the universe overwhelms us with too much loss too soon (i'm referring to the loss of your dad four years ago).

and i'm sorry about your friend. i had a somewhat similar thing happen to me and it was a hard pill to swallow. (it was rather incredible, actually, and not in a good way)

the firsts are always hard without a loved one (as i'm sure you know. and the seconds can be just as bad--at least they were for me. i'm about to have my sixth christmas without my mom--and i've finally reached a level that leaves me feeling numb and indifferent rather than devastated although i suspect i'll have several bouts of crying before the year is up)

i've come across people who feel that it's best to keep busy, occupied, preoccupied, not to think about the loved one that has gone, avoid thinking about them at all costs & just move on. apparently that type of behavior works for them. when engaged in this type of conversation i have only said that i was grieving or still grieving for my mom a few times. what i usually say is that i'm just so damn sad because i miss her so very much. (i put it in terms of how i feel & how i miss her. they can't really argue with that. maybe that would help your spouse be a bit more understanding rather than thinking your grief is morbid. after all, how is missing someone you loved being morbid?)

wishing you peace and comfort.