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DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Topics » Gender & Orientation » History of Feminism (Group) » Listen Up, Ladies: Here's... » Reply #25

Response to ismnotwasm (Original post)

Sun Aug 25, 2013, 11:06 PM

25. Question about a man commenting on a womanís appearance

 

My question isnít about broader issues of patriarchal control, but about my interaction with a specific woman. She and I had had a fairly casual acquaintance when I asked her out on a date. I came to her apartment to pick her up and she was wearing makeup, which she had never done the other times we met.

On the one hand, I definitely got a charge out of the idea that she was sufficiently attracted to me to make that extra effort. (Yes, just her accepting the date should have been enough. It wasnít Ė but this post isnít about my self-confidence problem.) Not only was I pleased by this, but, when someoneís made an effort, it seems courteous to give a compliment. The linked article notwithstanding, I think many women on many occasions like to be told that they look great tonight or that their new hairstyle really suits them or whatever.

On the other hand, I happen to prefer a natural look. I thought this woman had looked better all the other times Iíd seen her, when she wasnít making an effort.

So, I didnít want to compliment her and make it more likely that sheíd keep going this route, but starting off a first date by criticizing her makeup didnít seem like a good idea either.

What should I have done?

I was going to conclude this post by recounting what I actually did. On reflection, though, I decided it might be more interesting to hear the thoughts of people who are writing on a clean slate.

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ismnotwasm Aug 2013 OP
gollygee Aug 2013 #1
safeinOhio Aug 2013 #2
BainsBane Aug 2013 #3
redqueen Aug 2013 #6
TreasonousBastard Aug 2013 #26
redqueen Aug 2013 #31
ismnotwasm Aug 2013 #32
Bay Boy Aug 2013 #4
redqueen Aug 2013 #5
Bay Boy Aug 2013 #7
seabeyond Aug 2013 #14
Bay Boy Aug 2013 #18
ismnotwasm Aug 2013 #16
Bay Boy Aug 2013 #17
Bay Boy Aug 2013 #20
redqueen Aug 2013 #23
MADem Aug 2013 #8
redqueen Aug 2013 #9
MADem Aug 2013 #11
redqueen Aug 2013 #13
Tuesday Afternoon Aug 2013 #21
redqueen Aug 2013 #22
ismnotwasm Aug 2013 #15
MADem Aug 2013 #19
ismnotwasm Aug 2013 #10
MadrasT Aug 2013 #12
ismnotwasm Aug 2013 #24
LineNew Reply Question about a man commenting on a womanís appearance
Jim Lane Aug 2013 #25
ismnotwasm Aug 2013 #28
Jim Lane Aug 2013 #33
BainsBane Aug 2013 #29
Dash87 Aug 2013 #30
Jim Lane Aug 2013 #34
BeyondGeography Aug 2013 #27
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