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Sat May 31, 2014, 09:04 AM

Virginity, Violence and Male Entitlement [View all]

I can even manage to feel sorry for the men who empathize with Elliot, because Iím sure that recognizing that part of yourself is difficult and frightening.

I cannot, however, feel sorry for Elliot himself. I donít especially care how sad and lonely he was. I canít find it in me to feel badly that women rejected him over and over. I definitely donít have time for people who seem to think that all of this could have been prevented if only Elliot had gotten laid.

I was a virgin when I was twenty two, by which I mean Iíd never had penetrative sex with a man (or any kind of sex with anyone, to be honest). And yes, I believe that virginity is a social construct and not an actual thing, but at the time it was very real to me. I was embarrassed and ashamed of my virginity, and I definitely felt unwanted, undesirable and unattractive. To make things even worse, there was (and continues to be) this pervasive myth that any woman can have sex whenever she wants, because all men are animals and will fuck anything they can. But they didnít want to fuck me.

And you know what? Literally at no time ever did I think, gee, I should go on a killing spree.

I never felt entitled to menís bodies just because I wanted them.

I never blamed all men everywhere for my inability to get it on.

Never. Not once.

And while I understand that there is more social pressure for boys to be sexually active than there is for girls, that doesnít mean that girls experience any kind of expectations surrounding their sexual initiation. To be honest, being a twenty two year old virgin made me feel like a freak Ė no one else I knew was as inexperienced as I was, and the older I got, the harder it became to admit to my peers that Iíd never even seen a guyís junk, much less done anything with it. By the time I got to university, whenever I told people that Iíd never had sex, they gave me the once-over, like, what is wrong with you. I worried that I had some kind of sell-by date, like there was an age that I would hit when no one would want to touch my virginal self with a ten foot pole. I just wanted to get the damn thing over with already so that I could get on with the rest of my life.

But I never considered blaming all men everywhere for my problems.

See, the difference is that I didnít feel like sex was something that men owed me. I didnít believe that other women, the women who dated the people with whom I was madly, hopelessly in love, were unfairly co-opting something that was rightfully mine. I didnít think that being nice to men meant that I was entitled to date them. I was miserable and lonely, but I didnít try to pin the blame for that loneliness on anyone else, let alone an entire gender.


http://bellejar.ca/2014/05/31/virginity-violence-and-male-entitlement/

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Reply Virginity, Violence and Male Entitlement [View all]
ismnotwasm May 2014 OP
shenmue May 2014 #1
theHandpuppet May 2014 #2
sulphurdunn May 2014 #3
seabeyond May 2014 #7
sulphurdunn May 2014 #10
DesertDiamond May 2014 #4
seabeyond May 2014 #8
Sweet Freedom May 2014 #15
seabeyond May 2014 #16
Sweet Freedom May 2014 #22
seabeyond May 2014 #23
theHandpuppet May 2014 #24
seabeyond May 2014 #5
davidthegnome May 2014 #6
seabeyond May 2014 #9
davidthegnome May 2014 #11
seabeyond May 2014 #12
seabeyond May 2014 #13
davidthegnome May 2014 #14
seabeyond May 2014 #18
davidthegnome May 2014 #20
seabeyond May 2014 #21
ismnotwasm May 2014 #25
theHandpuppet May 2014 #34
ismnotwasm May 2014 #35
theHandpuppet May 2014 #36
davidthegnome Jun 2014 #37
theHandpuppet Jun 2014 #38
ismnotwasm May 2014 #17
seabeyond May 2014 #19
randys1 May 2014 #26
Dark n Stormy Knight May 2014 #27
redqueen May 2014 #28
seabeyond May 2014 #29
redqueen May 2014 #30
ismnotwasm May 2014 #31
redqueen May 2014 #32
seabeyond May 2014 #33
MadrasT Jun 2014 #39