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Manifestor_of_Light

(21,046 posts)
30. Looks/brains are not an either-or.
Fri Jan 23, 2015, 05:11 PM
Jan 2015

Brains and personality are more important in my opinion. People have a personality and a sparkle and things to talk about or they don't.
You could have very plain features and be animated and be very attractive. I see lots of people in the city with good regular features but they are not attractive--they are just drones in the corporate machine with no imagination. Their tastes are shaped by the mass media telling them what to pay attention to and they have no individuality. They don't have quirky hobbies or unusual kinds of music they listen to.


Looks, brains and personality all together--my two favorite astrophysicists, Dr. Brian May and Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson. Both very attractive men. Brian May is in a band you might have heard of -- Queen.


I refused to join a sorority in college because it looked like a bunch of dippy girls doing stupid stuff to get the approval of other girls. And I wondered WHY would anybody want to be exactly like someone else???? I never ran around with a pack of girls gossiping like the ones on Sex in the City. I went to a rush party when I was a freshman and some girl came up to me and gushed "You meet the NICEST people around here!!" I decided, "No intelligent life here. No boys. I'm leaving."


And I would have nothing to talk about with a frat boy. Classical music, the hot string quartet that was in town last week performing, latest theories in cosmology, what I'm doing in my biology lab? What I'm doing in chemistry lab? The latest paper by "Vicki" Weisskopf in Scientific American? Nope.


I think the awkward guys blaming feminism are blaming the wrong thing. They need to learn to say hello to girls, ask them questions, and listen, as has already been stated in this thread. There are going to be smart girls out there who have no interest in sports and the jock culture. I refused to play softball in high school P.E. and sat down in left field in 98 degree heat and refused to catch a ball, because I didn't want to hurt my fingers, because I was a musician. The gum-chewing idiot who was the "team captain" threw me out of the game and I said, "GOOD!". I also had six foot tall girls trying to run over me during volleyball to spike it and also bounced basketballs off my head when the teacher wasn't looking. Basketballs are HEAVY. They HURT. The PE teachers, who i thought were from another planet, because they seemed to be awfully masculine for a woman, wouldn't have done anything anyway.


I don't think the adventurer/provider thing is right. Provider isn't necessarily important. A woman wants a guy who shares her interests. And will listen to her and be sympathetic. Science majors who are NOT into sports are a major plus in my opinion. Neil deGrasse Tyson was a wrestler in high school and college, but the adults thought he should be a professional jock because he was big and black. He said that when he was nine years old he went to the Hayden Planetarium (which he now heads) and said "I want to be an astrophysicist" and all the adults ran away because black people were not supposed to be astrophysicists.


My version of that lack of guidance was "you're brilliant, you're smart" but did I get any specialized guidance about going into things I was really good at and that I really loved to do??? Nope, none at all. I got variations on, "Yeah, you're good at that, but it's not practical so you have to major in a natural science." And NOT make easy As. And I'm a white female.

I don't know if Brian May gets any exercise, but he certainly hasn't gotten fat, and he's in his sixties.




They Came From Things Inside His Head JustAnotherGen Jan 2015 #1
Check out Laurie Penny's article on "Nerd Entitlement" YoungDemCA Jan 2015 #2
Their pain isnt real. ncjustice80 Jan 2015 #13
Long-term loneliness and lack of relationships is plenty painful for lots of people, myself included nomorenomore08 Jan 2015 #33
Is it terribly wrong for me to want to just 'slap him upside his head' so he can have both? freshwest Jan 2015 #3
Naaaah! JustAnotherGen Jan 2015 #4
Thank You! freshwest Jan 2015 #5
Yeah, I got that too ... 1StrongBlackMan Jan 2015 #6
There's a lot of that going around lately! JustAnotherGen Jan 2015 #8
Yup ... 1StrongBlackMan Jan 2015 #10
Craziness! ismnotwasm Jan 2015 #12
It's the overwhelming failure of not being King Demeter Jan 2015 #7
My husband calls it the bubble JustAnotherGen Jan 2015 #9
So glad you posted this ismnotwasm Jan 2015 #11
"Women seem wicked, when you're unwanted ... dawg Jan 2015 #14
here is where i sit now. having raised two boys that were not the "in" seabeyond Jan 2015 #15
I don't think any of these nerds feel privileged or dominant. They envy the so-called ... dawg Jan 2015 #16
here is the thing. it is about privilege while they see it or not. it a "i deserve" as you state. seabeyond Jan 2015 #17
It *is* about privilege. But these guys aren't privileged when it comes to relationships. dawg Jan 2015 #18
It has nothing to do with being awkward or shy, imo. Plenty of likable, outgoing men are also raging chrisa Jan 2015 #19
I was an awkward shy guy when I was younger, but I never was a bitter person. MineralMan Jan 2015 #20
why should a man insist on impressing many women with his physical/mental prowess? instead Tuesday Afternoon Jan 2015 #21
It's about not being macho. And they are considered abnormal in the larger society. Manifestor_of_Light Jan 2015 #22
yes, I understand .... actually I was speaking to the macho type male and their mindset Tuesday Afternoon Jan 2015 #23
Smart nearly men ismnotwasm Jan 2015 #24
exactly. in these conversations, it is huge concern they cannot attract the "hot" woman. as if owed seabeyond Jan 2015 #25
I have a nerdy 20 year old azmom Jan 2015 #29
I really liked that article. I particularly think the distinction between what happens in reality el_bryanto Jan 2015 #26
Ok. From a shy, lonely nerd to the other shy, lonely nerds out there: DetlefK Jan 2015 #27
and get over the myth there is only adventure and provider. many women self provide. seabeyond Jan 2015 #28
I meant provider in an emotional sense, not a material one. DetlefK Jan 2015 #31
ah. thank you for clarification. i saw the examples for sure, but seabeyond Jan 2015 #32
Looks/brains are not an either-or. Manifestor_of_Light Jan 2015 #30
"I think the awkward guys blaming feminism are blaming the wrong thing." nomorenomore08 Jan 2015 #34
Reading these kinds of articles, I always find myself thinking, "It could have been me." nomorenomore08 Jan 2015 #35
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