Secret Wal-Mart Memo Intercepted

[Dr.Phool]

I found a lot of interesting things on this site, including columns by Sen Jean Carnahan and Thomas Eagleton.

http://www.firedupmissouri.com/node/3254



Secret Wal-Mart Memo Intercepted
by Blue Tail Fly

Wal-Mart

Classified Memo

To: All Wal-Mart Managers

From: Corporate Headquarters
Bentonville, AK

Subject: The Employment Manual will be revised as of December 1, 2005 to accommodate the religious practices of the following groups of Wal-Mart associates (workers).

Christian fundamentalist working in the pharmacy are no longer required to dispense the morning-after pill, birth control medications or devices, performance enhancing drugs or any item they view as abortive or contrary to their personal religious beliefs.

Scientologists may refuse to dispense anti-depressants.

Vegans may refuse to sell wallets, shoes, and motorcycle vests.

Baptists can refuse to sell mouthwash, vanilla extract, or anything with an alcohol content over 1%.

Pentecostals may refuse to sell women’s slacks or to ring up nail polish, lipstick, or other offensive cosmetics.

Seventh-Day Adventists will not be required to sell, advise customers, or stock shelves before sundown on Saturday evening.

Because of their lack of commitment to the product, Quakers will not be assigned to the ammunition and firearms area.

Orthodox Jews will no longer be serving the pork barbecues in the food court or slicing ham products in the deli.

Jehovah Witness members will not be required to sell flags, shirts, and decals displaying the American flag.

Zoroastrians are exempt from selling fire extinguishers.

Humanists may refuse to work within 100-feet of offensive literature, including any books by Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, or Phyllis Schafly.

Muslims may place their prayer rugs in aisles 24 and 27, the areas blocked off for morning, midday, and afternoon observances.

A 16-foot reclining Buddha, wind chimes, and ceremonial candles will be placed in the garden department for those who prefer meditation in lieu of a lunch break.

Wiccans are entitled to be off on Halloween, but must work Christmas and Easter.

Ancestor worshipers are entitled to two peyote breaks a day in the park lot wigwam. Evangelizing is strictly prohibited.

Before making a sale of religious materials, Creationists and Certified Christians can remove those portions of the Bible that might be misinterpreted or censor books that are contrary to their beliefs.

Atheists may wear symbols of their faith so evangelicals will know whom to target during the smoke break.

A thorough screening of potential employees will reduce the number of “restricted workers” or “conscientious objectors,” thus making it easier for us to perform our primary retail function.

Careful attention to the above policy will assure that we are not disrupted by demonstrators, lawsuits, bad press, religious whackos, or union agitators during our high volume season.

Please be advised that upon arriving in the store during December, customers will be tagged with the greeting they wish to hear from Wal-mart workers. Customers may choose from the following options:

Merry Christmas

Happy Holidays

Happy Chanukah

Happy Kwanza

Happy HalloThanksMas

Merry Festivus, or

Bah-hum-bug

Adherence to the above stated policy will insure a prosperous New Year—at least for our owners and managers . . . if not for our employees.

[MissMarple]

1. Ah huh. Sure it is.

:)

[Seedersandleechers]

7. That has got to be a joke! Or else they only want to hire christians.

I just don't get it.

[Ian David]

2. Zoroastrians are exempt from selling fire extinguishers.

Okay, I don't get that one.

[tjwash]

4. Zorastraka was the god who first delivered fire to man.

[Ian David]

6. That's blasphemous. All things come from The Flying Spaghetti Monster

And that includes fire.

We neet to declare a Pastwa against The Zorastrian infidels and bend them to the will of His Noodlyness.

Ramen.

[davidinalameda]

3. two peyote breaks a day???

I want to work at Wally World

[pnorman]

5. I liked this one also:

http://www.firedupmissouri.com/oxymorons
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

pnorman

[obreaslan]

8. What? No exceptions for Ásatrúar?!?!??!!!!!

That's it! I'm going to protest Wal Mart now. My Norse cousins will not be discriminated against!!!!! :grr:


:)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%81satr%C3%BA

[insane_cratic_gal]

9. customers will be tagged with the greeting

they wish to hear from Wal-mart workers

Mine: MERRY Fitzmas! when is rove going to be given to the Justice department wrapped in a big red bow.

[Dogmudgeon]

10. At last! The Protocols of the Elders of Bentonville!

--p!