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Oh, good grief. Maudlin Christian propaganda in my e-mail inbox tonight

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GreenPartyVoter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-01-05 11:37 PM
Original message
Oh, good grief. Maudlin Christian propaganda in my e-mail inbox tonight
Every Sunday afternoon, after the morning service at the church, the Pastor and his eleven year old son would go out into their town > and hand out Gospel Tracts. > >

This particular Sunday afternoon, as it came time for the Pastor and his son to go to the streets with their tracts, it was very cold outside, as well as pouring down rain. The boy bundled up in his warmest and driest clothes and said; "OK dad, I'm ready."

His Pastor dad asked, "Ready for what?"

"Dad, it's time we gather our tracts together and go out."

Dad responds, "Son, it's very cold outside and it's pouring down rain."

The boy gives his dad a surprised look, asking "But Dad, aren't > people still going to Hell, even though it's raining?"

Dad answers, "Son, I am not going out in this weather." Despondently, the boy ask, "Dad, can I go? Please?"

His father hesitated for a moment then said, "Son, you can go. Here are The tracts, be careful son."

"Thanks Dad!" And with that, he was off and out into the rain.

This eleven year old boy walked the streets of the town going door to door and handing everybody he met in the street a Gospel Tract.

After two hours of walking in the rain, he was soaking, bone-chilled wet and down to his VERY LAST TRACT. He stopped on a corner and looked for someone to hand a tract to, but the streets were totally deserted. >

Then he turned toward the first home he saw and started up the sidewalk to the front door and rang the door bell. He rang the bell, but nobody answered. He rang it again and again, but still no one answered. He waited but still no answer.

Finally, this eleven year old trooper turned to leave, but something stopped him. Again, he turned to the door and rang the bell and knocked loudly on the door with his fist.

He waited, something holding him there on the front porch. He rang again and this time the door slowly opened.

Standing in the doorway was a very sad-looking elderly lady. She softly asked "What can I do for you son?"

With radiant eyes and a smile that lit up her world, this little boy said: "Ma'am, I'm sorry if I disturbed you, but I just want to tell you that *JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU* and I came to give you my very last Gospel Tract which will tell you all about JESUS and His great LOVE." >

With that, he handed her his last tract and turned to leave.

She called to him as he departed. "Thank you, son! And God Bless You!"

Well, the following Sunday morning in church Pastor Dad was in the pulpit. As the service began, he asked, "Does anybody have testimony or want to say anything?"

Slowly, in the back row of the church, an elderly lady stood to her feet. As she began to speak, a look of glorious radiance came from her face, "No one in this church knows me. I've never been here before. You see, before last Sunday I was not a Christian. My husband passed on some time ago, leaving me totally alone in this world.

Last Sunday, being a particularly cold and rainy day, it was even more so in my heart that I came to the end of the line where I no longer had any hope or will to live. So I took a rope and a chair and ascended the stairway into the attic of my home. I fastened the rope securely to a rafter in the roof, then stood on the chair and fastened the other end of the rope around my neck.. Standing on that chair, so lonely and brokenhearted I was about to leap off, when suddenly the loud ringing of my doorbell downstairs startled me.

I thought, "I'll wait a minute, and whoever it is will go away." I waited and waited, but the ringing doorbell seemed to get louder and more insistent, and then the person ringing also started knocking loudly. I thought to myself again, "Who on earth could this be? Nobody ever rings my bell or comes to see me." >

I loosened the rope from my neck and started for the front door, all the while the bell rang louder and louder. When I opened the door and looked I could hardly believe my eyes, for there on my front porch was the most radiant and angelic little boy I had ever seen in my life. His SMILE, oh, I could never describe it to you! The words that came from his mouth caused my heart that had long been dead, TO LEAP TO LIFE as he exclaimed with a cherub-like voice,

"Ma'am, I just came to tell you that JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU." Then he gave me this Gospel Tract that I now hold in my hand. As the little angel disappeared back out into the cold and rain, I closed my door and read slowly every word of this Gospel Tract. Then I went up to my attic to get my rope and chair. I wouldn't be needing them any more.

You see- "I am now a Happy Child of the KING. Since the address of your church was on the back of this Gospel Tract; I have come here to personally say THANK YOU TO God's little angel who came just in the nick of time and by so doing, spared my soul from eternity in hell."

There was not a dry eye in the church. And as shouts of praise and honor to THE KING resounded off the very rafters of the building. Pastor Dad descended from the pulpit to the front pew where the little angel was seated. He took his son in his arms and sobbed uncontrollably.

Probably no church has had a more glorious moment, and probably this universe has never seen a Papa that was more filled with love & honor for his son...

Except for One. This Father also allowed His Son to go out into a cold and dark world. He received His Son back with joy unspeakable, and as all of heaven Shouted praises and honor to The King, the Father sat His beloved Son on a throne far above all principality and power and every name that is named.

Blessed are your eyes for reading this message.

Don't let this message die, read it again and pass it to others. We will meet in heaven!
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Reverend_Smitty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-01-05 11:40 PM
Response to Original message
1. Why did I read that?
now I wanna :puke: and it's so close to bedtime
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alittlelark Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-01-05 11:41 PM
Response to Original message
2. Sound like a 'Jack Chick' style story tract.
I passed them out 30+ years ago... they're still around:scared:
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Bouncy Ball Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-01-05 11:43 PM
Response to Original message
3. Rev. Smitty's response made me laugh.
All that very maudlin, drama queeney stuff and then she goes "why'd I read that?"

LMAO.

Um, the dad let his 11 year old son walk the streets ALONE, in the DARK, and the cold and the rain??????

WTF?

Very irresponsible of him as a parent. And potentially dangerous. Knocking on stranger's doors, an 11 year old boy, by himself, eh?

Yeah.

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Reverend_Smitty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-01-05 11:46 PM
Response to Reply #3
6. Don't you get it?
JEEZUS will protect that little boy from all you pervert liberals out there, not to mention the pneumonia he is sure to develop after hours outside in the cold rain :P
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-01-05 11:47 PM
Response to Reply #3
7. Or in reality, the woman would have been alone and scared to death
that some strange person was banging on her door so wildly and wouldn't go away. These kind of fairy tales are what encourage some people to be such assholes about spreading their faith when it isn't wanted or asked for.
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Reverend_Smitty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-01-05 11:50 PM
Response to Reply #7
8. Yeah I recall a few months back
that two teenagers were sued by some lady that they frightened when they knocked on her door to leave her cookies. And bible tracts are WAY more scary than cookies
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wtmusic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-01-05 11:44 PM
Response to Original message
4. They're suckers for that syrupy shit
You'd think someone so at peace and confident wouldn't have to rely on anyone or anything else.

But they are the most dependent people on the planet--they just can't keep it to themselves. :eyes:
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Bouncy Ball Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-01-05 11:44 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. I think she should tell whoever sent her that
not to send her maudlin made up stuff like that anymore.
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Kerrytravelers Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-02-05 12:37 AM
Response to Reply #4
14. They're co-dependent ---- on the entire world.
They just need all of us to be their ersonal crutches all the time. Guess what Jesus did for me? Guess what the Lord gave to me? Do you want it to? Huh? Huh? Huh? You need it to! You have to! You have to! My way is the only way to eternal life! You have to see it MY WAY!


They are just exhausting.
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wtmusic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-01-05 11:55 PM
Response to Original message
9. If David Lynch was responsible for coming up with an ending
to the story--what would it be?? or John Waters?? :crazy:
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Reverend_Smitty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun May-01-05 11:58 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. Well if it were John Waters...
you could bet it would involve cross dressers in some way:P
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Radical Activist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-02-05 12:03 AM
Response to Reply #9
11. In my ending the old woman stands up in church and
Edited on Mon May-02-05 12:09 AM by Radical Activist
says it took so long to reach the door because of the sordid sex acts she was committing with her aged husband, their 20 year old border, and a goat. After describing what they were doing in graphic detail she says the boy's visit inspired her to give up a lifetime of swinging and prostitution. She also thanks the young boy for watching patiently while they finished.
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wtmusic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-02-05 12:05 AM
Response to Reply #11
12. And the church joins in a rousing chorus of "Pour Some Sugar on Me"
Edited on Mon May-02-05 12:07 AM by wtmusic
this is too easy :D
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UdoKier Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-02-05 12:08 AM
Response to Original message
13. Oh, buh-rother!
There's one born every minute....
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Rabrrrrrr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-02-05 01:35 AM
Response to Original message
15. Ugh, that's awful. So overdone. And why do these fundy assholes writers
always feel the need to tell us that everybody cried.

You never get one of these fucking things without it mentioning everyone crying. There's always frckin' crying. And every other emotion has to be loudly broadcast as well. It's like Spielberg is writing all these things.

And of course, it can't just be a regular person who was ready to commit suicide - no, it has to be an elderly, non-Christian, despondent lonely widow. And of course, it has to be his VERY LAST tract that is the soul-winner.

:puke:
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RevCheesehead Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon May-02-05 03:22 AM
Response to Original message
16. You forgot to add the line:
"You MUST pass this on! If you don't, you may be sending someone to Hell! And you'll have 17 years of bad luck!!!! But if you send it to one other person: you make baby Jesus smile; five people: a surprise will await you tomorrow; ten or more: an answer to prayer will come in 24 hours."

I get this shit all the time. That's what the delete button is for. :)
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