Reply #9: Former fundie here

[Piscis Austrinus]

....and I don't buy the "conversion" from gay to hetero one bit.

I think a lot of these folks have been through what I call a "gunpoint conversion." These are people who have dealt with rejection their entire lives simply for being what they are. Naturally, no matter how mentally and spiritually tough they may be, a certain amount of the minute-by-minute social bombardment of "this is how you are supposed to be" - which we all in some way endure, but not to anything like the same degree as these - has left craters in the mind and soul, and sometimes scars on the body as well.

Fear pools in the low places of the heart. I believe that fear of irrevocable and eternal consequences is the driving force of these psychosexual "conversions," because fear is a favorite and oft-used tool of forcing spiritual conversion as well. Anyone who's ever been to one of those October "Tribulation Trail" holy horror-houses sponsored by some of the more sheets-to-the-wind sects loose in America today know exactly what I mean by this.

However, fear alone is in the end a tool of evil, and like all evil, it does not endure without constant reinforcement. Once the half-life of fear has been allowed to run its course, both for the newly converted and the newly heterosexual, the issue comes into question again.

This is why most fundamentalist churches are so insular, and to an extent, so secretive: their brand of spirituality is based heavily upon fear, not only of the rejection of an unfailingly vengeful and angry god, but also upon the fear of rejection by one's own circle of acquaintances. This fear engenders conformity among its members. Also, since fear requires darkness to work, the flock must also be kept largely in the dark. Television is evil. Education (unless drawn from Scripture) is evil. And nothing is more evil than those who are or who associate with carnal or sexual sinners, whether they be homosexuals, drug addicts, alcoholics or otherwise.

You can see, therefore, how a group of otherwise well-meaning people can be taught to hate like maniacs: put a bunch of people together, limit and filter the information they receive, and set up an atmosphere of constant pressure to conform. They'll hate without even knowing they're doing it.

I think this is what Jesus meant when he looked on the crowd at his crucifixion and asked God that they be forgiven, because they didn't know what they were doing. The Sanhedrin had, by using the Law to generate constant social pressure and a largely insular spiritual society, created the same effect in Jerusalem as we see in some fundamentalist movements today. This is also, I think, why many non-fundamentalists I have talked with believe that the radical Christians in this country today would crucify Jesus themselves, were he to walk among us now as he did in the Middle East 2000 years ago. Given how some folks reacted when I challenged some of the basic assumptions of the church we were in, I can see exactly how this might happen.

Trust me, it is hard to walk away from this type of semi-cult, once you are in and more-or-less accepted. To give it over is to give up everything you've professed (and been trained) to want, and to count the loss as acceptable. You have not only to reject the people you've taken to heart almost as family, but also, you have to return to a world that may not be too thrilled with how you've behaved, and admit you now believe you were wrong. Neither side can be expected to be particularly merciful.

I don't know a tenth of the rejection the people who have "converted" and then reverted have known, but I know enough to sympathize, and to respect what they have done for the sake of being true to what I believe they were created to be. So - I have to say this - may God bless 'em.

Peace
PsA