Reply #11: As a woman who has miscarried...

[rbnyc]

...I say your instincts are right on. Also, you might want to send food, or a gift certificate that can be used for take-out or delivery. Or ask if there's anything you can help with, like going to the store or if they have other kids, picking them up from band practice, or what-have-you.

It's a very difficult, depressing things to go through. Not only because of the tragic thing that has happened, but because of the hormone adjustment. Cooking, cleaning, doing dishes, running errands...it can just be impossible, and the husband may not be able to pick up all the slack, especially since he is both grieving and caring for his wife who is recovering from a major medical event.

Also, ask if it's ok if you tell mutual friends, or if he wants help informing people. I asked a friend to tell my co-workers and the people I saw each day at the Deli, Laundry, etc, so that I could avoid as much as possible having people ask me how the baby was doing, or if we'd found out if it was a girl or boy yet.

It still happened, which was just horrific, but it happened far less frequently than if it had been up to my husband and I alone to inform people.

I preferred talking about it, but I have a friend who did not want to talk about it at all. Best thing to do is just ask and make yourself available.

You are very sweet.